Awkward

So since this was mine, quick question: I'm hormonally intersex. So was I born male or female? (Let us all mock the misogynist for not knowing about intersex people, sexual variation in nature, or biology)

Funny guy

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 02:00 - United States - Lima

Today, my boyfriend and I were finishing in the bedroom; he pulled out and finished on my stomach. Then he figured that was the time to quote Shrek, saying, "Better out than in I always say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 375

Management

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 278

You deserved it 1 323

Bakery people seem to have a lot of weird "opinions"

By AnyaO - 08/09/2022 12:30

Today, I was refused service at a bakery, got yelled and cussed at to the point of tears, and told to go back to my home country, Ukraine. According to the guy, my people are Nazis who spent the past year draining Americans of their tax dollars to fund their war. I couldn’t report him, he was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 248

Jack…

By Alliente - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 3 950

Sketchy

By Jen - 07/09/2022 21:30

Today, my fiancé broke up with me, because he was mad I was worried about him due to him not answering me for ten hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 288

To each his own

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 07/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 214

Not so subtle hint

By DumpedLikeADUmp - 05/09/2022 20:30

Today, I come home from work to my bedroom to find all my husband’s stuff gone. There was a note in the dresser, with his wedding band, that read, “I hope you can take a hint. Sorry.” Not only was I dumped, and I can’t locate him anywhere, but I now have to cover his part of the mortgage which I can’t afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 228

Coda

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 10:30

Today, I was at a very important music competition. When we'd rehearsed the song in question, the conductor said we were to repeat the last four bars of the song three times. As I went to play the third time, the whole orchestra stopped playing. I kept playing by accident and we came in third because of my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 349

Natty dread

By why???? - 05/09/2022 08:00

Today, I’ve been growing dreads for two years after I lost my hair to chemo. After visiting my boyfriend’s family, we all contracted lice from the kids. Even though I did the shampoo and treatment, my locks are too coiled to effectively comb out all the nits. I have to shave my head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 418

Premature

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 19:00 - United States - Paris

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at dinner, which would’ve been nice if we hadn’t been dating for only two months, and dinner was at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 163

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 09:30

Today, I was called a paedophile and was physically attacked, because I parked in a spot directly next to a McDonald’s outdoor play area and sat there for a while. I was waiting for my drive-through order, in the spot where the staff told me to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 105

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 15:00 - France

Today, I like it rough in bed and found the perfect lover to have fun with. Now I have to choose between going to work fully covered while it's 35°C and sweat like a pig, or to go lightly dressed and show a VERY suspicious amount of marks on my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 2 102

Tense family drama

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 10:00

Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 227

Just dependa things

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 125

Kinky but risky

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 22:00

Today, during a family visit, my wife pulled me into the bedroom and told me to talk dirty to her, while there was a risk of being caught. It's her kink, not mine. Her sister must have overheard us because I woke up in hospital. She thought I was secretly abusive and brained me with my own walking cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 191

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 194

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 797

You deserved it 12 335

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 601

You deserved it 2 293

Today, I'm working while my husband is the stay at home parent. The house is spotless, our baby girl is happy, and he's never been happier. When I stayed at home, I could never keep the house tidy, and she cried constantly. How does he do it? No matter how we do it, I'm always the one who's tired and miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 877

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 345

You deserved it 5 700

Today, I looked at my ex’s Instagram stories and found out that during our relationship, she was taking her now boyfriend to all the places I'd showed her. They’ve lasted way longer than we did, and she’s the one who left me. Seems like she liked how I treated her, just not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 118