Animals

Basically, he's had hamsters that have dies before, and we always gave them a funeral... so I didn't want to bury him in a plastic tube so my husband gave me the job of removing the hamster....

By Shitty day - 24/05/2016 05:59 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 668

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 16:50 - Canada - London

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 665

You deserved it 29 841

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 05:59 - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 6 083

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 327

You deserved it 35 365

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 397

You deserved it 5 288

By whymommywhy - 21/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 308

You deserved it 26 989

Noise annoys

By mandythepandy - 04/03/2017 04:00

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 575

You deserved it 1 071

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 908

You deserved it 3 641

By deadfish - 03/10/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, my 9 year-old little sister is coming back to town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 363

You deserved it 61 718

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 569

You deserved it 29 302

Road rage

By Xtine - 23/06/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while on the road, I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up, and pissing off, several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 628

You deserved it 46 344

Doggy dog world

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 825

You deserved it 549

I'M ALSO HERE

By Steiner - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 841

You deserved it 3 515

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I was trying to get some sewing done and learned that the absolute least efficient way of realizing a project with lots of moving parts is to have either a toddler or a fun-loving pet see what you’re doing and decide to “help” with this exciting venture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 165

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 502

You deserved it 2 046

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 687

You deserved it 10 008

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 886

You deserved it 13 762

Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 863

Today, I woke up groggy as hell because my Rottie kept growling at something all night long. I went to get coffee in a daze and saw mouse shit floating in my brew. I cleaned up after the bastard mice, then stepped in coyote shit on my way to the newly dumped-over and shredded garbage cans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 218

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Halfway through dinner, I noticed my mascara was smudging, so I tried to discreetly wipe it off with my napkin. As I looked up, my date was staring at me with wide eyes. Apparently, I had smeared it all over my face and I looked like a raccoon. He didn’t even offer to help me fix it, just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 224