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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 31 143

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 676

You deserved it 16 057

By AFEmoWifey - 09/10/2012 10:21 - United States - Palmyra

Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 893

You deserved it 4 406

AFEmoWifey tells us more.

AFEmoWifey 0

Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:00

We bent over backwards to make her comfortable. However, I'm not letting her have a say in my baby making. I'm 23 years older than her so she needs to be more respectful.

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 3 790

Tinder Surprise

By betrayed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 412

You deserved it 6 559

By JohnMackSquirts - 19/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 976

You deserved it 115 445

By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 37

Beat it

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 68 062

Kinky

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 869

You deserved it 6 153

By NoMoreMeters - 29/10/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 363

You deserved it 4 877

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 926

You deserved it 45 032

By a chick in California - 14/06/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 332

You deserved it 8 707

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 886

You deserved it 5 305

By breakinphones - 20/02/2011 02:03 - United States

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 643

You deserved it 81 769

By AllegroRubato - 04/12/2012 20:09 - Chile - Santiago

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 352

You deserved it 4 946

AllegroRubato tells us more.

AllegroRubato 16

Wednesday 5 December 2012 13:13

Hey, OP here! So yeah, after the fact, I also figured that she felt inadequate, in an "it's unfair that I don't get to please you" kinda way, but it's confusing because it's not like I didn't ****** at all or anything. The way she reacted, though, was a bit over the top. We haven't been dating for that long, though so I'm confident these are just little bumps that we'll figure out on the march :) Haha, and thank you very much to all the lovely ladies who flatter me with their comments. Sadly, I'm gonna have to (very) regretfully decline for now, since I really, really like my gf--even if she does go crazy from time to time! :D

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 12:09 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 885

You deserved it 15 220

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 774

You deserved it 3 450

By FeedMe - 27/05/2011 10:45 - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 5 680

You learn something new every day

By virginkiller - 03/03/2012 13:23 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 266

You deserved it 5 723

Harsh

By anonymous - 14/12/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 540

You deserved it 12 239

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 438

You deserved it 4 271

By Jayde - 04/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 258

You deserved it 5 602

By angry girlfriend - 22/05/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 723

You deserved it 3 613

By disappointed - 23/09/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 278

You deserved it 14 140

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 934

You deserved it 9 562

By DOCMONROE - 30/09/2013 22:51 - United States - Marion

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 245

You deserved it 45 530

By Hannahb17 - 23/08/2013 22:21 - United States - Phoenix

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 271

You deserved it 3 697

Hannahb17 tells us more.

Hannahb17 8

Saturday 24 August 2013 7:51

For those of you who are wondering, I'm 17 and I work at Forever 21. I asked the two girls if they needed any help and they said, "Umm.. We don't want YOUR help." I said, "Excuse me?" They said, "OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? WE DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! CAN WE GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP US?" At that point a manager came over to see what the problem was and the girls said, "We don't want her help. She doesn't even have a thigh gap. Why does she even work here?" Not wanting to do anything stupid and lose my job, I walked away. The two girls had to have been only a year or two younger than me. Plot twist: THEY DIDN'T HAVE FREAKING THIGH GAPS! I can't explain to y'all how much that irked me. The whole thing was just stupid. I really like working at Forever 21, though, so I'm glad I didn't do anything to jeopardize that. Well, thank you all for the supportive comments! They were fun to read. (: I hope y'all have a great night/day!

By ssnickel - 07/07/2009 21:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 971

You deserved it 19 717