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By fmal - 07/05/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 310

You deserved it 8 887

By carless - 15/08/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 4 233

By anonymous_0505 - 06/11/2010 17:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 845

You deserved it 9 474

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 476

You deserved it 6 382

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 228

You deserved it 2 621

By fmlatmovies - 25/07/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 681

You deserved it 4 770

fmlatmovies tells us more.

fmlatmovies 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 23:31

actually all you haters out there, i didn't have enough room to put my response! i actually turned to her and told her to **** off and to take her annoying fat ass out of the theater because she was blocking the view for everyone and no one could hear the movie over her irritating voice that makes people want to dropkick babies! that shut her up for the rest of the movie.

By couldntholdit - 12/07/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 386

You deserved it 23 974

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 980

You deserved it 7 266

By Mary - 10/07/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 367

You deserved it 6 828

Leaking

By noname - 22/09/2010 05:37 - Canada

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriend's shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 587

You deserved it 13 826

By Come on - 29/01/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 677

You deserved it 3 499

By LaineyLove - 09/05/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 542

You deserved it 8 214

LaineyLove tells us more.

LaineyLove 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 22:40

I'm the one who wrote the FML. I'll clear some things up for those of you who think I deserved it. The FMLs have to be short so I couldn't write the whole story. My main symptoms were severe joint and muscle pain along with cramping and headaches. The stomach pain was constant, not just when I ate bread. I had a hard time even digesting vegetables. I went to doctors practically every week and scoured the internet. I was finally "diagnosed" with fibromyalgia and IBS. My first Celiac blood test came back negative, but finally my gastroenterologist figured it out. I'm now gluten-free, and I'm feeling much better (although hungry). And I'm a pre-med student, so I'm not an idiot. I saw at least 5 different doctors and specialists. I even went to Mayo Clinic. Celiac can be a very difficult diagnosis as the symptoms are often non-specific. Thanks for all the tips on gluten-free food. It's time for me to start cooking!

By Distraught - 01/03/2011 21:08 - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 093

You deserved it 6 664

Heartless

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 411

You deserved it 58 919

Thanks, I hate it!

By poorkids - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 425

You deserved it 4 157

Tipped

By Nick - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying, "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 118

You deserved it 7 026

By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 218

You deserved it 30 109

By Beanzbeanz - 09/07/2011 15:19 - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 049

You deserved it 10 522

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 142

You deserved it 11 025

A new friend

By puzzled - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 223

You deserved it 3 330

By guess28 - 14/07/2009 18:19 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 794

You deserved it 20 843

Creeper alert!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 778

You deserved it 13 852

Treasure hunt

By bubbalicious - 13/08/2009 20:57 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year-old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 736

You deserved it 87 092

By OMGraven - 19/02/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 684

You deserved it 3 610

By cricketsins - 08/11/2013 03:33 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 616

You deserved it 73 626

cricketsins tells us more.

cricketsins 36

Friday 8 November 2013 10:15

Let me give some details before the blasting gets too bad: "beating" was an exaggeration. I was not literally bludgeoning him with a block of cheese. I'm sure that somewhere, someone has done this. That person was not me. It all started because he and I were picking up a few items and he just *happened* to lead me to the cheese aisle in the deli. I love cheese; he knows this and was teasing me. So, one poke led to a pinch, and all of a sudden my cheese-rage took hold and I was swatting him with a block of cheese. It was all in good fun. We are always joking and wrestling around. While we have both seriously hurt one another while wrestling, it's always an accident.