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What's worse?

By Nadaz - 05/04/2012 11:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 358

You deserved it 13 659

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 239

You deserved it 14 896

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 10:31 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst I was working in McDonald's, a customer threw their Quarterpounder at me because it had pickles and he said he didn't want any pickles in his burger. I didn't even serve him. I'd just started my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 555

You deserved it 4 632

T552 tells us more.

T552 12

Wednesday 18 August 2010 23:37

I'm actually the OP of this post (I created this account recently so I can reply) I am overqualified. I have 11 GCSE's, 3 A-levels one AS level and I'm on my way to Uni to get my honours. I only work there part time to earn some money on the side so I can pay for living expenses when I go to Uni. So to all the people who seriously thought that I work there full time, you're wrong. And to all the people who said the guy was fat, no. The customer wasn't fat XD He was a skinny guy with a horrible attitude. He even demanded that I apologise to him for getting his order wrong, even though I didn't even serve him. My managers sorted him out.

Stay classy

By kimboslice106 - 08/06/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 300

You deserved it 14 187

By Thanh Quang - 31/01/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 613

You deserved it 14 806

By Crying - 29/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 007

You deserved it 8 580

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 70 346

By failedmusician - 03/06/2009 10:06 - New Zealand

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 717

You deserved it 59 077

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 19:55 - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 168

You deserved it 4 542

GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

By mottephobe - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 739

You deserved it 37 404

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 17:49 - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 745

You deserved it 6 146

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 469

You deserved it 42 984

By luni - 26/06/2011 21:17 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 8 909

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 6 253

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 6 599

By fsfs - 17/08/2013 16:27 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 592

You deserved it 5 168

By creepedoutlady - 16/08/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 584

You deserved it 3 961

By Anonymous - 16/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 900

You deserved it 5 298

By negin - 22/03/2011 07:23

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 184

You deserved it 6 755

By Barista - 05/07/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 43

By ilovechickens - 15/04/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 6 555

By pumpkinlover89 - 27/03/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 421

You deserved it 10 455

By markymark - 17/05/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 69 259

By Jman6295 - 08/01/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 15 242

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 786

You deserved it 3 995

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 23:14 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I planned a romantic movie night. Champagne, popcorn, romantic comedy. Then his friend decided to show up and they've been talking about 1st generation Pokémon ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 62

By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 161

You deserved it 5 597

By nick2.0 - 09/09/2009 21:20 - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 251

You deserved it 5 555

By NoBalls - 12/06/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 381

You deserved it 22 504

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 235

You deserved it 4 739

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The Top

Today, I ordered and paid for a compost bin to be emptied in addition to the garbage. Turns out most of what I wanted to put in there – although perfectly compostable – is not allowed in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 181

Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 209

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 526

You deserved it 17 231

Today, my wife is experiencing feral pregnancy cravings. She is craving some sort of cookie that she used to eat as a child. That particular cookie company went out of business 20 years ago, so my wife is growling at me like I was personally responsible for them shutting down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 135

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 561

You deserved it 5 069

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 93