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Jog on

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

agreeclassic 31 735

vote type 1 2 978

Snark

By hahasuckit - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled, "Yeah, right…" in front of everyone. FML

agreeclassic 31 721

vote type 1 5 480

Nature is healing

By screwthewilderness - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

agreeclassic 31 648

vote type 1 3 769

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

agreeclassic 31 554

vote type 1 7 047

Served cold

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

agreeclassic 31 531

vote type 1 4 910

I just can't hide it

By doomeddaddy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 31 515

vote type 1 3 313

Lose-lose

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

agreeclassic 31 495

vote type 1 8 024

Technicality

By Dartfrogger - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

agreeclassic 31 374

vote type 1 3 065

Pain like no one has ever seen before

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

agreeclassic 31 354

vote type 1 5 869

Skill issue or…?

By Realworldred - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

agreeclassic 31 233

vote type 1 3 284

Baywatched out

By Username - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

agreeclassic 31 105

vote type 1 10 206

AAA, hello?

By JFC! - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

agreeclassic 31 102

vote type 1 3 158

Method

By EllieS9311 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

agreeclassic 31 098

vote type 1 3 188

You OK, lady?

By merp. - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

agreeclassic 31 025

vote type 1 6 220

Spicy shit

By DMStarsky - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

agreeclassic 30 900

vote type 1 4 827

Quite the effort

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

agreeclassic 30 887

vote type 1 5 369

Great timing, dude

By ugly - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

agreeclassic 30 840

vote type 1 3 657

Congratulations

By anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

agreeclassic 30 798

vote type 1 4 971

Special interests

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

agreeclassic 30 796

vote type 1 3 664

I don't work here, M'am

By Olorin - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

agreeclassic 30 737

vote type 1 2 787

Half beard

By ihatemylife - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

agreeclassic 30 697

vote type 1 2 478

Like in the movies

By alltern8ive - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

agreeclassic 30 647

vote type 1 5 166

MORE! MORE!

By bursteardrums - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

agreeclassic 30 643

vote type 1 11 395

FOCUS!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

agreeclassic 30 555

vote type 1 2 715

Plumbing issues

By thirddegreeburned - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

agreeclassic 30 544

vote type 1 2 683

Rough patch

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

agreeclassic 30 476

vote type 1 2 894

Let's go girls

By skid - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

agreeclassic 30 353

vote type 1 3 201

History buff

By Squinty6 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

agreeclassic 30 307

vote type 1 4 049

Kid!

By DrunkParents - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

agreeclassic 30 267

vote type 1 2 819

YouTubers take note

By anon - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

agreeclassic 30 201

vote type 1 6 933

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I confided in my best friend about my recent weight loss, and how it was due to lack of appetite because of my horrible depression and anxiety. She congratulated me. FML

agreeclassic 21 137

vote type 1 2 056

Today, my mom called me a “subhuman inbred.” All because I was fidgeting during church without realizing I was doing it. FML

agreeclassic 510

vote type 1 128

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

agreeclassic 26 943

vote type 1 2 518

Today, I went to the Chick-fil-A drive through. Instead of asking me my name for my order, I was greeted by my name. I asked how he knew it, and he responded by saying he makes it a point to remember all the great customers' names. He added that I come there all the time. FML

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 1 007

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML

agreeclassic 33 382

vote type 1 3 071

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

agreeclassic 24 238

vote type 1 4 780