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Trumpets!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's "Mambo Number 5" on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

agreeclassic 25 254

vote type 1 1 797

Something

By Kidsthesedays - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something?" I asked. I was not expecting the answer, "A period mural." FML

agreeclassic 25 208

vote type 1 3 352

Knackered

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

agreeclassic 25 183

vote type 1 6 130

Not ED for me

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

agreeclassic 25 131

vote type 1 1 726

New year, new you

By Moving On - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

agreeclassic 24 863

vote type 1 9 767

Tool Academy

By soundbox - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

agreeclassic 24 847

vote type 1 4 862

Multitasking

By longday - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process, I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

agreeclassic 24 841

vote type 1 6 866

Diss track

By Popscene - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

agreeclassic 24 742

vote type 1 3 029

At last!

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

agreeclassic 24 724

vote type 1 5 044

Time for a change

By whattalife - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

agreeclassic 24 705

vote type 1 5 184

Blackout

By itsgonnabealongnight... - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

agreeclassic 24 678

vote type 1 3 138

Thanks, hun

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year-old students, who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me, "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said, "Your arms are hairy." FML

agreeclassic 24 678

vote type 1 4 461

Gal pals

By AnnieThrax - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

agreeclassic 24 677

vote type 1 2 126

Good boy

By nicedoggy - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

agreeclassic 24 625

vote type 1 4 098

Vacation blues

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

agreeclassic 24 283

vote type 1 2 115

RIP

By anonya - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

agreeclassic 24 219

vote type 1 3 181

Useful and used

By maxiflouf - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

agreeclassic 24 214

vote type 1 3 081

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

agreeclassic 24 211

vote type 1 1 632

Trick question

By howprofessional - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

agreeclassic 24 088

vote type 1 47 496

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cortlandt Manor

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

agreeclassic 23 981

vote type 1 2 049

Social cues

By oblivious idiot - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

agreeclassic 23 954

vote type 1 7 438

Improvised

By Geraldine - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

agreeclassic 23 710

vote type 1 2 853

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

agreeclassic 23 647

vote type 1 1 711

Never enough

By crazycatlady - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

agreeclassic 23 608

vote type 1 18 613

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 23 599

vote type 1 1 756

Bad date

By echolaker2019 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

agreeclassic 23 351

vote type 1 1 757

La la land

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

agreeclassic 23 299

vote type 1 72 536

Evasive

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

agreeclassic 23 294

vote type 1 2 240

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

agreeclassic 23 199

vote type 1 1 732

Guess I'm coming out in a Ford Focus

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

agreeclassic 23 063

vote type 1 3 178

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I broke my arm because my fucking ass friend pushed me off the stairs, and while I was in pain and was screaming, no one helped me. The worst part is that it happened at school. FML

agreeclassic 582

vote type 1 82

Today, I spilled flour all over the floor and myself, and it took me eight billion years to clean up and there is still flour haunting me. FML

agreeclassic 298

vote type 1 185

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

agreeclassic 1 113

vote type 1 133

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

agreeclassic 2 030

vote type 1 298

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

agreeclassic 31 626

vote type 1 5 731

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

agreeclassic 37 713

vote type 1 4 184