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Great grandfather material

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 20:00

Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML

agreeclassic 220

vote type 1 121

Shat myself

By Giselle - 02/11/2025 09:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise birthday party. When I walked in and they yelled “SURPRISE!”, I screamed, dropped my coffee, and reflexively shouted, “Who are you people?!” before realizing it was for me. They’re still laughing. FML

agreeclassic 185

vote type 1 272

Breathtaking view

By Anonymous - 04/11/2025 00:00

Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML

agreeclassic 404

vote type 1 134

Thoughts and prayers

By Broke babe - 05/11/2025 20:00

Today, at a family dinner, I mentioned I was worried about money and my job. My rich grandmother decided to announce that she'd pray for me. Thanks, Gran, I'm sure talking to Magic Sky Wizard will be more helpful than just forking over some cash. FML

agreeclassic 177

vote type 1 769

Flustered

By Bradley is alone - 09/11/2025 09:00

Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 545

Twisted

By no vacation then I guess - 20/11/2025 00:00

Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML

agreeclassic 359

vote type 1 114

No more fun

By ShyBear - 21/11/2025 20:00

Today, my partner called me from urgent care because his jaw was hurting. Apparently he now has lockjaw from going down on me too much. FML

agreeclassic 244

vote type 1 106

Beep beep

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 15:00

Today, my phone auto-connected to my car’s Bluetooth as I drove my boss to a meeting. I didn’t realize my playlist had switched to dramatic telenovela theme music at full volume. She jumped, grabbed the door handle, and asked if I was “OK, like, emotionally?” FML

agreeclassic 158

vote type 1 229

Go team!

By Mustanggt - 28/11/2025 22:00

Today, my team was mistakenly scheduled against an over-60 team. I'd feel sorry for the old fogeys if they hadn't beaten us 3-0 and racked up seven yellow cards and a red on the way to doing so. FML

agreeclassic 105

vote type 1 331

Music sounds better with you

By Miranda - 06/12/2025 00:00

Today, my crush shared his listening age on Spotify Wrapped, as well as his top artists. We happen to have the same listening age and top artists. Yet he rejected me as a girlfriend because I’m “not his type.” FML

agreeclassic 91

vote type 1 480

Sir, this is a Wendy's

By Anonymous - 11/12/2025 09:00

Today, I've been waiting nearly three days for my Amazon delivery order. I knew that Christmas orders were going to swamp Amazon, so I bought two gift cards and a CD that my mom specifically wanted ahead of time. I purchased them on the 4th to be safe. It's now the 10th, I've been charged, but no sign of my order. FML

agreeclassic 151

vote type 1 243

Heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 13/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was startled awake by some overzealous do-gooder trying to shove Narcan up my nose. I wasn’t OD’ing. I don’t even do drugs. I’m just an exhausted full-time student with a night job trying to get home on the bus. FML

agreeclassic 388

vote type 1 81

The more you know

By My mouth tastes like blood - 14/12/2025 22:00

Today, I was able to get dental care for the first time in 4 years. I had been going through all the hygiene motions, but without professional input all that time, no one was there to warn me about the sour candies I had been eating, and how they ruined your teeth anyway. My teeth are well beyond salvageable now. FML

agreeclassic 151

vote type 1 383

Pucker up

By It feels fucking awful - 18/12/2025 12:00

Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML

agreeclassic 50

vote type 1 632

Shot by both sides

By Anonymous - 21/12/2025 22:00

Today, my girlfriend was too busy having sex with my roommate to notice our accommodation being burgled. So now I don’t have a girlfriend, a rent paying roommate, a television, a PS5 or, for some reason, half of the books from my bookshelf. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 82

Tough time for the edgelords

By Confused - 29/12/2025 00:00

Today, I have a dilemma. I was really upset when Charlie Kirk was shot, and yelled at people who made fun of his death. However, I find the Kirkification memes edgy and funny, but I can't take part because I would be called out for being a hypocrite or worse. I don't want to get kirked. FML

agreeclassic 54

vote type 1 670

Beep beep beep beep

By HateCelebz - 30/12/2025 20:00

Today, I made Christmas dinner. I live in a block of flats, and I was cooking for two hours. The smoke alarm went off after 10 minutes, but it's so high up that I couldn't reach it to turn it off, so I had to fan it off every five minutes, then five minutes later it would go off again, and so on. The neighbors complained. FML

agreeclassic 107

vote type 1 285

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 22

Same shit, different year

By 475pies - 01/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, me and my friend were walking down our school hallway, only to be pushed down by the bully group. I got up and smacked them in the face with my lunchbox. I then got ISS. Middle school sucks. FML

agreeclassic 459

vote type 1 105

Fussy

By annie - 08/01/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my daughter refuses to make eye contact, won’t eat any of the food I make, and still throws tantrums in middle school. I have no idea where I went wrong raising the brat. FML

agreeclassic 343

vote type 1 330

Biblically plagued

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 08:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, after a dry spell of a year, I finally managed to get a girl to come over to hook up. Things were going great until we both found out my bed was swarming with ants. I don't know how that could even happen. It's as if God himself is trying to stop me from getting laid. FML

agreeclassic 447

vote type 1 219

Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!

By Is he stupid? - 12/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML

agreeclassic 357

vote type 1 127

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 14/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Acton

Today, I seized in the shower, making me trip over the edge of the tub, which is when I then smashed my face against an open toilet and broke my nose. Thank you epilepsy. FML

agreeclassic 585

vote type 1 87

Complaint

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I work cleaning houses and a customer submitted a complaint about me to my boss, because he didn’t expect me to use his water from his taps, running up his water bill, which he saw as unfair. What was I supposed to do, bring a water tank with me on my back? Prick. FML

agreeclassic 643

vote type 1 80

The truth of the matter

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that the high school program that I was forced into, which kept me in school until I turned 21, was caused by my mom. She put me in the program without telling me and when I first learned about it, she pretended not to know anything so I wouldn't be mad at her. That was 10 years ago. FML

agreeclassic 503

vote type 1 118

Risky move

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 09:00 - Canada

Today, I sent a risky text to my crush and immediately put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t spend the next hour anticipating and responding to his reply. I forgot I did this and spent the whole day thinking he was ignoring me, but when I switched it back on, I'd not received a single message. FML

agreeclassic 188

vote type 1 494

Can I get a raincheck?

By Emily - 11/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I fell down my backyard steps at my own housewarming party, ended up breaking my ankle, and am now non-weight bearing for 10 weeks. I'm supposed to start a new job tomorrow, where I'm always on my feet. FML

agreeclassic 497

vote type 1 87

Losing my mind

By Anonymous - 15/02/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I checked my jacket pocket for my smartphone, all while still holding my smartphone. FML

agreeclassic 124

vote type 1 385

Rosy picture

By Heartbroken - 03/03/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my son complained that he didn't want to go to school. My husband asked, "Want to swap? You can go work all day, come home tired, and your only reward is a whiny wife and bratty child griping and complaining and expecting you to fix every problem." Part of me died when I heard that. FML

agreeclassic 495

vote type 1 462

Nag nag nag

By Anonymous - 06/03/2025 18:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend complained about our recent dry spell. I've been under a lot of stress at work, but I told her some things she could do to help. She decided a better idea was to scream that I don't care about her needs, and that I should never "burden her" with my problems. FML

agreeclassic 404

vote type 1 139

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

agreeclassic 15 226

vote type 1 83 393

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

agreeclassic 28 926

vote type 1 3 438

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

agreeclassic 37 647

vote type 1 3 350

Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML

agreeclassic 8 003

vote type 1 3 333

Today, I've been experiencing a phenomenon where I wake up in the middle of the night, check the time, realize it's the middle of the night, and go right back to sleep. Every time I wake up after falling back asleep, I feel as though me waking up earlier was just my imagination. My own brain is gaslighting me. FML

agreeclassic 701

vote type 1 128

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

agreeclassic 333

vote type 1 1 209