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By "missunknowno9" - 04/11/2017 06:46

Today, it was my best friend's birthday, so we all went out for drinks. She had a little too much and needed to be picked up so I opened her phone and called "bae." That's when I found out that not only does my husband have a second phone, but he's also cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

agreeclassic 11 592

vote type 1 550

missunknowno9 app_comment_confession_title

missunknowno9 8

Monday 30 October 2017 17:47

1. Because I wasn't cutting my night short, because we have children and we finally had a babysitter for once. So I was enjoying my night. 2. I chose "Bae," because that's generally what someone puts in their phone as their significant other... ?

By NOOOOOO - 16/08/2015 23:18 - United States

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

agreeclassic 26 183

vote type 1 2 492

By feelthesting - 06/07/2015 22:26 - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

agreeclassic 25 633

vote type 1 1 855

By BandAid1865 - 27/07/2015 03:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

agreeclassic 25 485

vote type 1 1 794

BandAid1865 app_comment_confession_title

BandAid1865 20

Monday 27 July 2015 20:53

Hey OP here. To help clarify some things. To those that were confused, yes she broke up with me. Apparently she didn't want the relationship to begin with. Thanks everyone for the support, but please keep the comments clean. She might have broke my heart but that doesn't make her any less of a person.

By Karma - 21/04/2015 16:45 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

agreeclassic 29 253

vote type 1 2 200

By mouse_13 - 15/01/2016 06:28 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

agreeclassic 25 594

vote type 1 5 669

mouse_13_fml app_comment_confession_title

mouse_13_fml 9

Saturday 16 January 2016 4:52

OP here- really surprised anyone would think this was cruel, as we've ben together for a long time and therefore know each others boundaries! Makes me sad people have to see the negative in something that makes me smile!

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

agreeclassic 488 577

vote type 1 106 881

By MDoremis - 21/04/2015 13:37 - United States

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

agreeclassic 28 099

vote type 1 4 363

MDoremis app_comment_confession_title

MDoremis 38

Wednesday 22 April 2015 5:38

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice! I got some X-rays done and thankfully nothing was fractured or broken (and the screws from a previous break did not get wrenched loose in the fall)! I've been lucky enough to be assigned to completing the tasks, favors and whatnot, where I can prop my foot up and keep ice on it. I've also purchased a nice pair of flats, because there is no way I'm falling and breaking myself day of the wedding. As for a response from the bride, she pretty much told me it took a lot longer to fall than she thought it would (I'm super, super clumsy), and to keep off my feet so I can still be in the wedding without hurting myself again.

By bosslady - 30/06/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

agreeclassic 27 501

vote type 1 2 301

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

agreeclassic 28 292

vote type 1 2 920

By Rhyno - 05/05/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

agreeclassic 309 343

vote type 1 65 856

By broke bitch - 23/06/2015 04:15 - United States - Hampton

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

agreeclassic 26 503

vote type 1 2 327

By meteorbabe0101 - 14/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 800 722

vote type 1 65 958

By Val - 02/07/2017 21:00 - Argentina

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend at his place, taking advantage of having the house to ourselves. Out of the blue, his mother, who already hates me, came in and caught us in the act. Now she hates me twice as much for desecrating her house. And she'll hate me triple when she finds out I'm pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 8 504

vote type 1 3 871

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

agreeclassic 324 602

vote type 1 58 702

By anon - 22/05/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

agreeclassic 27 351

vote type 1 2 183

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

agreeclassic 10 994

vote type 1 635

By SleepIsForTheWeak - 19/03/2015 16:41 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

agreeclassic 30 897

vote type 1 2 565

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 596

vote type 1 90 937

Cheeky

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother asks, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" My mom replied, "I'm a headmaster." My dad then goes, "Oh yeah, she is." FML

agreeclassic 20 139

vote type 1 2 535

By sheldon103 - 16/05/2015 17:18 - United States - Dayton

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

agreeclassic 13 490

vote type 1 31 956

sheldon103 app_comment_confession_title

sheldon103 4

Monday 18 May 2015 2:21

I actually didn't throw it that hard, it bounced off the dash

First day

By notsogoodtrainee - 09/07/2015 17:02 - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML

agreeclassic 24 658

vote type 1 4 821

Monty Python crossover episode

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/05/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

agreeclassic 4 254

vote type 1 1 087

By carl_carl_ - 13/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

agreeclassic 28 843

vote type 1 2 204

Customer service

By breadcrumb - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

agreeclassic 25 341

vote type 1 2 196

By need sleep - 25/02/2015 16:53 - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

agreeclassic 32 380

vote type 1 2 342

By WaitWhat - 18/11/2017 08:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML

agreeclassic 6 141

vote type 1 241

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 04:05 - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

agreeclassic 24 950

vote type 1 1 648

The joys of spring

By pukeytimes - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

agreeclassic 29 255

vote type 1 2 328

By infrontofninepeople - 30/06/2015 20:31 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

agreeclassic 22 437

vote type 1 4 708

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

agreeclassic 53 157

vote type 1 3 779

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality, he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

agreeclassic 23 048

vote type 1 7 871

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

agreeclassic 47 862

vote type 1 9 504

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

agreeclassic 276 904

vote type 1 37 150

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

agreeclassic 51 740

vote type 1 4 705

Are your friends as great as these? In honor of this special day, maybe DON'T make up an excuse not to hang out with your friends. They're not soooo bad...

agreeclassic 651

vote type 1 156