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OP here. I wanted to add that this all happened at 3AM during a thunderstorm. The neighbors didn't answer their door until the firefighters knocked. The fire didn't start until they were already here, so there was no smoke at first. The storm blew loose shingles off in 1 place- over the alarm.

Breaking Bad Habits

By FML Videos - 24/08/2018 19:30

Help! I'm stuck!

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 90

By sadinseattle - 22/07/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 364

You deserved it 17 548

By lucas90 - 04/02/2015 21:42 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 252

You deserved it 7 298

lucas90 tells us more.

lucas90 2

Sunday 8 February 2015 1:55

Hey, I'm the OP! In all fairness, she and her friends were wasted, and I was the designated driver. She didn't remember any of this the next day, and actually found it quite funny. She's not dumb. Sorry to dissapoint you. And to the people that pointed out my typo - yes I'm MARRYING a her. English isn't my first language and I was exhausted when I wrote this. :)

By new name - 06/11/2012 22:03 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 363

You deserved it 16 605

Phantom shitter

By eirbear - 14/09/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only woman in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 151

You deserved it 5 116

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 4 168

By anon - 31/01/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 094

You deserved it 8 857

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 912

You deserved it 4 116

Time waster

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 499

You deserved it 6 706

Like what you see?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 655

By Salesadmin - 28/09/2018 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that a supervisor at work was rude to two brides, resulting in 30k being refunded. Instead of her losing her job, I now have to take over weddings on top of my already full workload. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 623

You deserved it 151

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 107

You deserved it 5 871

By MySonshine7 - 07/03/2016 16:23 - United States - Redding

Today, I started training my replacement for my job. My replacement already makes more money per hour than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 413

You deserved it 1 522

MySonshine7 tells us more.

MySonshine7 13

Tuesday 8 March 2016 4:06

OP here. I'll start by saying I'm leaving tis job voluntarily. I'm moving to a new town, I'll actually be making more at my new job. I have no hard feelings towards my current company. They even offered to pay me more to get me to stay, but sadly they don't have a branch in the town I'm moving too. To be clear this is a manager position I worked up too and they decided to raise the starting pay of my job after they started looking for someone. Apparently they think if the pay is good enough they might get someone as close to how good I am. So I took that As a compliment, I don't plan on screwing the new girl over. I just find it funny they wait until they are losing me to finally listen to me about how my department is under appreciated. I do wish them all the best though, they are making some great strides to being better. Sorry for the long response!