The Top

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By catslave - 17/09/2016 08:43 - New Zealand

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 076

You deserved it 1 894

Awkward

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 623

You deserved it 1 049

By Just Lonely - 04/09/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 610

You deserved it 989

Internship troubles

By bibou2324 - 18/04/2012 20:41

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 5 571

Uncomfortable

By bad timing - 03/09/2019 15:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 377

By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 072

You deserved it 4 876

By Jman212 - 09/10/2017 13:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my work-mandated anger management therapist gave me some sage advice: "Get a new job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 246

You deserved it 415

Karen's aquarium

By agrant93 - 21/05/2021 01:02 - United States - Nampa

Today, I got called a racist because I refused to sell a woman a bunch of rather large 4-inch goldfish for a 10-gallon aquarium. These fish get 10 inches long and she wanted 20 of them. Essentially, she screamed at me for a half-hour, asking to speak to my manager. I'm the manager. She called corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 133

agrant93 tells us more.

agrant93 6

Saturday 8 May 2021 7:26

To clarify we're both white

By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 873

You deserved it 303

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 578

You deserved it 84 261

By rejectedprobably - 18/07/2016 23:06 - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 409

You deserved it 1 161

Dodged a bullet, TBH

By RKD - 23/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 228

Consistent

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 57 768

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 410

Giving up

By Kate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 277

You deserved it 4 210

Mean streets

By love_today - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got called a "f***ing b**ch" by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 977

You deserved it 7 231

Not mine!

By Anonymous - 21/12/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 738

You deserved it 250

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 931

You deserved it 45 117

Sea legs

By gimpy - 23/06/2016 15:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 260

You deserved it 1 266

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 03:22 - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 131

You deserved it 971

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 836

You deserved it 19 992

By Lonely626 - 16/06/2016 22:26

Today, while talking with a coworker, we discussed a weekend home invasion scenario. It was then that I realized my social circle is so non-existent, that my job would notice I'm gone before my friends would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 954

You deserved it 1 263

By Sod's Law in action - 17/03/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 1 153

By OwMyBalls - 12/02/2012 06:17

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 091

You deserved it 6 521

By HWS - 15/04/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 312

You deserved it 7 782

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 433

Keep it together

By SmileAndSayHi - 01/06/2016 19:23 - United States - Hialeah

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 589

You deserved it 671

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 442

By Peachtree - 04/06/2018 15:00

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 483

Don't take medical advice from teachers

By pain - 20/05/2016 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 929

You deserved it 1 118

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The Top

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 095

You deserved it 1 136

Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 330

You deserved it 947

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 683

You deserved it 3 689

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 860

You deserved it 791

Today, my boyfriend had a nightmare, talking in his sleep about not hurting himself anymore or "auntie Nat Nat" will put him "back in the home with the mean doctors and the sicky medicine." WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 108

Today, I found out that when my neighbors throw a party, it includes guests having sex in my garage, and relieving themselves on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 109