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Hi, Op here! Thank you for all the kind comments (and yes, I am searching for a new job so I could leave). To clarify: my boss has very bad memory and she likes to blame people. It was only yesterday when my coworkers told about me having become the new scapegoat. It is not a daily occurrence; she's claimed a couple of times that I should have done something, when in reality she had forgotten to tell me about these tasks. It is a small office and everyone knows which days I have off, so my coworkers didn't tell me about it - they never believed any of her stories anyway. All claims were made only in front of three other people, we share a room, so naturally they knew I wasn't there on those days. Clogging the toilet and losing keys, however, were such remarkably stupid claims that they felt I should know. She found her keys and apologised in front of everyone, clogging the toilet was a passing remark ("oh, maybe it was her!") that she's probably already forgotten. Still, I don't want to work for someone who badmouths her employees behind their back. I am currently filling a job application - fingers crossed!

By bshoemaker45601 - 08/06/2016 20:57 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 340

You deserved it 3 547

By KiwiMaid - 03/06/2016 10:31 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 960

You deserved it 2 155

By Jayde - 04/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 258

You deserved it 5 602

By ouch - 29/05/2016 23:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 994

You deserved it 3 059

Oddly specific thief

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 14:00

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 156

By Grammer_Nazzi - 18/05/2016 01:11 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was performing in a play. One of my co-actors elbowed me right as I was taking a swig of my drink, causing me to fling cold tea into my face and all over the table. If that wasn't majestic enough, I had to keep acting in several more scenes with a wet tea stain in my crotch area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 832

Grammer_Nazzi tells us more.

Grammer_Nazzi 9

Wednesday 18 May 2016 22:55

Hey, everyone, OP here! Thank you for everyone's kind words, and the play did indeed go to plan apart from that little hiccup. Extra little story: We had another show on the next day, and during the exact same scene, the exact same co-actor clinked her glass against mine so hard that it broke. I think she might have taken the drunkenness a bit too seriously. Fun times.

By Dulieu - 10/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 238

You deserved it 168 448

Channelling GG Allin

By dudeyouarefired - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 498

You deserved it 4 865

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 014

You deserved it 8 363

Beat it

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 953

You deserved it 68 063

Mysterious disappointment

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 08:31

Today, I texted my mom and told her I'm pregnant and she responded with, "I can’t respond to this right now." So she and my dad are disappointed in me. None of my other siblings were married or even engaged before having their kids. I’m 23, engaged, and own my own house. I don’t see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 147

You deserved it 351

cheyennejocelyn tells us more.

cheyennejocelyn 7

Saturday 13 June 2020 21:03

This is my post, and my parents have never supported me in anything in life. They weren’t happy about my engagement, I knew they weren’t gonna be happy about my pregnancy, so to save to the argument I did it over text. I have since miscarried.

By Mintilou - 08/04/2016 03:17 - United Kingdom - Wednesbury

Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 116

You deserved it 4 506