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By nomade319 - 16/05/2013 02:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to confirm whether my country, Madagascar, really existed or not. Then, he took a picture of himself with me so he could show his kids that people actually live in their favorite cartoon’s country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 60

Bad aim

By goldengirl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 664

You deserved it 17 040

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 05:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 1 848

Funny guy

By kinkyapparently - 22/10/2015 14:47 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Spicy

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 210

You deserved it 2 521

Get back

By Boar - 24/06/2012 20:51 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 2 057

By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 606

You deserved it 964

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 06:45 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 1 817

By dukemisery - 28/11/2016 12:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 042

You deserved it 3 031

Favoritism

By Damnlife123 - 21/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere, I said, "You're my favorite!" Now I'm sitting here, talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 280

You deserved it 130 967

By Kay - 20/10/2016 10:37

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 740

You deserved it 627

By stupidrobot - 03/09/2015 20:14 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 383

You deserved it 8 337

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 821

You deserved it 2 200

By AM - 31/08/2015 21:46

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 649

You deserved it 1 949

By Well okay then - 09/10/2016 17:12 - United States - Palmdale

Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 360

You deserved it 774

Bad memory

By thereisnobaby - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 659

You deserved it 850

By hk - 20/09/2016 15:29 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 1 016

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 14:03 - United States

Today, because of the gas crisis in my state, we had to stop taking delivers at the pizza place I work at. Someone asked if we could walk it to them. My manager agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 853

You deserved it 831

By Sadmom - 14/09/2016 02:15 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 964

You deserved it 1 436

By Anonymous - 17/09/2017 04:30

Today, after storing it for a year, driving it 750 miles to a new home, and waiting a week for a wall mount to come in, I was ready to hang the hand-painted, decorative window my brother gave me. The chain snapped as I picked it up and it shattered when it hit the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 275

You deserved it 403

By colibricorolla - 04/09/2016 06:16 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my roommate gave us an hour's notice that she'd be babysitting her 4 youngest siblings in our apartment for an unspecified time. After hours of them running around, intruding, breaking things and one severely injuring himself on our furniture, it turns out they are staying the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 186

You deserved it 1 075

colibricorolla tells us more.

colibricorolla 5

Monday 5 September 2016 21:58

OP again, what happened with the injury was the youngest and the second youngest decided they were going to race across our living room, and the former ran headfirst into the edge of the coffee table. Hard. Those two had walked into the kitchen while the rest of them were watching a movie at the time and I don’t think she noticed what they were doing until it was too late. He got a cut that was about an inch or so wide and looked pretty deep on his forehead. We were able to bandage it up, she got the bleeding to stop and confirmed he did not get a concussion from it but everything I frantically searched online said he was going to need stitches and all of the local urgent care centers had literally just closed 5 minutes before this happened. She took him the next morning when they left and they said he was OK, thank goodness, but a very brief lapse in supervision wasn't something to call CPS over.

By Dizzie Rascal - 31/08/2016 11:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 1 766

Entitled

By CP slave - 11/09/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller-coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 124

Hello?

By NoHappyEndings - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Dundalk

Today, it's been four weeks since I got a job offer after months of grueling interviews. I turned down other offers to accept the job, but I'm still unemployed because no one at the company will take my calls about my official start date. I've been ghosted by a corporate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 231

You deserved it 429

By Mom - 11/06/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 5 600

Why do people do this?

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 157

By jelrid - 13/07/2016 04:38 - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 938

You deserved it 3 970

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 59 394

Boomers

By CakeForBreakfast - 01/11/2019 02:00

Today, I asked my father if I could have my grandfather's old vinyls, record player, and vintage tube radio. He told me he threw those out years ago because, "Who listens to that crap anymore, now that we have mp3s?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 804

You deserved it 3 632

By please don't get the succ - 29/06/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 651

You deserved it 665

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 38 151

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 878

You deserved it 3 833

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 9 424

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 584

You deserved it 1 120

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 349

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 112