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By wheelmaker - 03/12/2018 17:30

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 798

You deserved it 486

By talt - 10/12/2018 12:30

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 712

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 441

By wow, thanks - 18/08/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 941

You deserved it 2 374

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 539

Pranks are evil

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 825

You deserved it 1 664

By Olz - 22/01/2019 14:00

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 1 210

By ohtheirony - 10/12/2015 19:49 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 058

You deserved it 2 197

It's catching

By longdrive - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 5 227

By dragonstooth257 - 25/02/2019 16:00

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 1 510

By Justus Buhler - 03/03/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 504

You deserved it 721

By Paté - 05/01/2010 04:52 - Ukraine

Spicy

Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to self: never again let my boyfriend make one of his fantasies come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 4 177

By Anonyme - 18/09/2016 01:42 - France - Vendenheim

Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine. My children spent all day trying to stick magnets on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 93

By Christopher Tobler - 26/04/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 458

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 361

You deserved it 8 622

By Love2sleep - 20/04/2013 04:31 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the Australian police woke me up by knocking on my door and yelling my name. I start to panic, imagining the worst: burglars, murder, even drug trafficking. Apparently, I didn’t hear my alarm, so my boss called the cops to come and get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 89

Sounds wonderful

By hermit's life - 25/12/2016 07:11 - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 400

You deserved it 1 373

Ouch

By HelloDrMeAgain - 24/12/2016 14:45

Today, my girlfriend's "sheltered" 15-year-old niece is sharing our tiny home. Shortly after she arrived, I started to pass a kidney stone. I've had 3 hours of vomiting and cold-sweating while pissing acidic blood and a stone in absolute agony. The niece is "traumatized". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 001

You deserved it 653

By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/04/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 630

You deserved it 363

By WordBea - 26/10/2015 23:39 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found a crying little kid alone in a park. I walked around with him for a bit to try to find his parents. When I found his dad, all he did was take the kid and menacingly leer at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 528

You deserved it 1 374

WordBea tells us more.

WordBea 23

Saturday 31 October 2015 14:35

Hello - OP here. I was helping at an event when this happened. First of all, I'd like to say that there was no way the kid just wandered off. His dad was in a parking lot looking for his stuff in his car at least 200 meters away. He just had his head up his ass. Second of all, I know it was wrong to not call the police or at least get some adult involved, but I'm only 14, and so I guess I wasn't jaded enough yet to realize any predator in the vicinity might see that as the perfect opportunity. For what it's worth, though, I saw a very close resemblance between the two, so at least that's something.

By bluebelle - 19/10/2015 11:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 2 815

By Anonymous - 15/10/2015 20:44 - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 101

You deserved it 1 529

By Not Drunk - 30/01/2017 10:32 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was involved in a crash at work. When I was asked if I had been drinking, instead of saying, "I don't drink" my words got screwed up and I said, "I don't think." Everyone is now certain I caused the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 165

You deserved it 1 196

campbelllp tells us more.

campbelllp 10

Sunday 29 January 2017 23:02

Hey guys. It's the OP Nothing really serious happened because of my brain fart, but I'm now thinking it'll be a inside joke at work. The car I was driving was insured, and it was just a small dent. I was asked the questions back at work (company policy) so, if I was drunk, they wouldn't have to get police involved with me staying at the company.

Free Britney!

By SirTalkaton - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Vacaville

Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 221

You deserved it 17 473

SirTalkaton tells us more.

SirTalkaton 22

Monday 4 August 2014 6:48

Ok OP here, here's the deal. I have no problem singing Britney. I like music that's that. But my brother thought it would be hilarious to overwrite my presentation with that. As far as why I was recording, well I lost a bet and keep my word. However, it was not Oops I did It Again it was Man Eater. Class got a good kick out of it for sure.

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 080

You deserved it 2 247

Stable

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 16:30

Today, I got on a crowded bus and was forced to stand. The bus made a sharp turn, so I reached for a pole to hold onto. Without looking, I grabbed the pole. It was wet and moist, but I nonetheless held on until the turn was done. I turned to see I had also grabbed a large man's nose and had squeezed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 908

Tasty

By spiderlady - 21/09/2015 03:00 - United States

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 2 196

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 131

By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - 05/09/2015 05:56 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 962

You deserved it 10 040

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The Top

The Top

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 768

You deserved it 2 149

Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 539

You deserved it 2 788

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 232

You deserved it 8 814

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her, and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 170

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 418

You deserved it 10 316

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 187

You deserved it 5 146