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It was obvious this kid was spoiled and hardly, if ever, got punished. After a few other slurs from him, we tried to find his parents but just told my friend's mom since we couldn't find his. My friend's little sister(she's around 6) was also crying to her saying the same kid called her a bitch. The mom was saying she didn't know who's kid it was(the overall lack of supervision over there was astonishing) and she didn't want to punish him herself, else his parents popped up and made a scene.

By dragonstooth257 - 20/08/2018 15:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

agreeclassic 2 127

vote type 1 761

By Notarealwaifu - 02/11/2018 13:00 - Japan - Kunitachi

Today, after a 3-month dry spell and countless rejections, I gave up on being intimate with my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she came on to me and took me to bed. What triggered the love-making? Apparently she got horny from looking at an anime character's cleavage. FML

agreeclassic 2 786

vote type 1 316

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

agreeclassic 46 927

vote type 1 7 959

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 11:47 - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying, "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

agreeclassic 25 388

vote type 1 2 081

By Random - 04/04/2017 07:00 - Canada - Langley

Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 4 056

vote type 1 391

Creepshow

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

agreeclassic 22 549

vote type 1 2 717

By ChildhoodTerror - 26/12/2016 06:40

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

agreeclassic 9 715

vote type 1 1 584

By Craig Thompson - 20/04/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

agreeclassic 4 111

vote type 1 807

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

agreeclassic 32 625

vote type 1 2 565

A Bugs Bunny Baptism

By Anonymous - 05/08/2017 05:00 - Netherlands

Today, my new bunny was uncharacteristically sitting happily on my lap when I began to feel a spreading, warm sensation. At the same time, my boyfriend picked up the bunny and in the process sprayed me from head to toe with urine as well as our couch and floor. FML

agreeclassic 4 624

vote type 1 576

By "skippydoda" - 05/09/2017 12:51

Today, multiple people pushed me out of the way to get a seat on the metro. I'm five months pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 5 582

vote type 1 440

skippydoda app_comment_confession_title

skippydoda 32

Tuesday 5 September 2017 3:18

Hey OP here. 1. I have a visible belly. I definitely look pregnant. 2. This wasn't a simple push pass me to get on first. This was a full shove into the side of the train tummy first. I don't care how tired you are, it's never okay to push someone that hard to get a seat first. 3. I'm fine, baby's fine.

By chewsef - 09/08/2016 03:22 - United States - Concord

Today, I thought I'd save some money by doing my own electrical work. When I turned the power back on, it caught fire. FML

agreeclassic 8 851

vote type 1 18 328

chewsef app_comment_confession_title

chewsef 17

Tuesday 9 August 2016 21:34

OP here....I'm getting hammered on this one as I expected. Waiting on a electrician as we speak.

By TheVagabond_SRG - 02/08/2016 06:46 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

agreeclassic 14 554

vote type 1 1 077

Maintenance

By DoubledTrouble - 21/07/2016 11:58 - United States - Washington

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

agreeclassic 15 244

vote type 1 1 305

By so much pain... - 09/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

agreeclassic 3 093

vote type 1 4 821

By Victoria - 12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

agreeclassic 14 670

vote type 1 1 188

By benjamins - 10/01/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the balls twice in two hours. The first was my (now ex) girlfriend when I confronted her about cheating on me, and the second was her overprotective friend who thought that I was the cheater. One is a cheerleader, and the other is a soccer player. FML

agreeclassic 4 144

vote type 1 367

benjamins39 app_comment_confession_title

benjamins39 12

Friday 26 January 2018 23:41

OP here....yes, they are both female, and that’s kinda there way of doing things when pissed at a guy, fire away. Not the first time my ex has kicked me, hoping it was the last though. She got off the direct hit, the soccer player was kinda a graze, but they were so sore it felt like a direct hit. After walking funny for a day or so, all good now

By Backstabber<3 - 06/03/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I loved him, he revealed that he cheated on me, that his side chick is pregnant, and that he has the clap. FML

agreeclassic 6 281

vote type 1 495