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    : 320



    lezbehonestgirls - 09/02/2016 23:12 - United States - Denton

    Today, not only did I realize how lonely I was by the fact that I've been single for over 4 years, but now even my dog refuses to cuddle with me FML
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    NightmareIssac - 09/02/2016 23:02 - United States - New Haven

    Today, my girlfriend of 2 years surprised me with breaking up with me. While I was picking her up. I was going to surprise her with a vacation. TO JAPAN. Lets just say I'm looking for a friend to go with me.
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    CRINGE - 09/02/2016 22:59 - United States - Hoffman Estates

    Today, at my grandparents house, I went on their computer in their office. As I opened a new tap, there were suggested sites according to their recent history. All of the sites were porn. I know they aren't my grandmas so they have to be my grandpas. I'll never look at him the same. FML
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    Ramb0 - 09/02/2016 22:54 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

    Today, I took my brown Labrador to the vets for a regular check up. When I went to pick him up later he magically turned into a brown poodle. Where's my dog gone? FML
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    why - 09/02/2016 22:51 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, in class, I closed my eyes for a split second, and when I opened them, my teacher's butt was in my face. FML
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    Nightingale1429 - 09/02/2016 22:44 - United States

    Today, I was watching a documentary about life on a horse farm with my gf (whom loves horses) and in this scene they were preparing the horses for breeding. They lifted the mare's tail and I immediately got a boner. She was laying on my lap, and said, "... Really?". She knows I'm a brony. FML
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    antinomians - 09/02/2016 22:41 - United States - Denver

    Today, my girlfriend did not realize how disgusting it is to pick her boogers and eat them. She's 19. I almost threw up. FML.
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    dancetastrophy - 09/02/2016 22:23 - United States - Glenview

    Today, two days away from the premier of a show I'm in, I was notified that the person checking dance mixes just got around to mine. Half of my dance was ruled "inappropriate for our smaller audience", and I may be cut from the show. FML
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    cosmic_peanut - 09/02/2016 22:18 - Greece

    Today, on the national Internet safety day I manage to infect my laptop with a virus which firmly deleted everything on it , including my finals assignment. FML
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    Angry Type-1 Diabetic - 09/02/2016 22:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

    Today, I went to pick up my prescription for my insulin. The pharmacist said that there were no refills left on file. I called it in on Saturday and now I'm all out. Why is insulin not an automatic refill? Looks like I'm not eating dinner tonight. FML
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    TheLynx - 09/02/2016 22:15 - United States - Fairfax Station

    Today, I found out my crush is dating my brother. FML
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    darkfairy2016 - 09/02/2016 22:14 - United States - Boston

    Today, my daughter caught me and my wife humping each other. I think I just scared her for life. FML
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    Anonymous - 09/02/2016 22:12 - United States - Chicago

    Today, in the silence of class, my stomach growled and sounded remarkably like a fart. At the same time, someone let out a silent but deadly near me. Everyone looked at me. FML
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    anonymous - 09/02/2016 22:09 - United States - East Hartford

    Today, the smartest, funniest, prettiest girl I'll probably ever be with broke up with me. On our anniversary. Right before Valentine's Day. FML
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    nonewfackboys - 09/02/2016 22:00 - Germany

    Today, I was walking down a corrador and a kid walked out of the bathroom with his dick half way out of his pants, he turned around and walked right into me. Might as well burn my favorite shirt. FML
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    robcom263 - 09/02/2016 21:58 - United States - Mooresville

    Today, I was at school and I had this little silver tin with about 30 mints in the container a teacher saw the mints thinking they were pills and told the office, I had to go up their so that they could search my bag and find out that they were mints. FML
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    Anonymous - 09/02/2016 21:52 - United States - Winona

    Today at work, I fell asleep because my five year old daughter kept me up last night. My boss happened to walk by and fire me, even though it was my first f**k up at work. FML
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    sad and broke - 09/02/2016 21:49 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

    Today, im so broke i had to decide between paying the electric or the water bill. FML
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    Melissa_Rox - 09/02/2016 21:41 - United States - Staten Island

    Today, I asked my mom for a wallet she said no she needs to save money. That same day she bought my sister a bag. The bag was $10,000. The wallet was $30. FML
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    Anonymous - 09/02/2016 21:39 - United States - Union City

    Today, I just recently got back from visiting my parents to find my wife and her cousin having sex. When I walked in on them, they stopped for about a good second, then continued. Apparently, I'm the one to blame for not being home all the time to check on her and the kids. FML
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    humus wipe - 09/02/2016 21:38 - United States - Excelsior

    Today, my best friend picked up a huge glob of humus and wiped it all over me. This is after she yelled at me for lightly bumping her hand into humus, getting the tiniest amount on her fingers. FML
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    istheaar_on - 09/02/2016 21:36 - Italy - Padua

    Today, I got off work and came home to my pregnant wife. we had sex, ate, watched a movie together and cuddled. right before we go to sleep, I open FML for a minute to get some final giggles." youre not paying attention to me, get your priorities straight" she says. Now she won't talk to me. FML.
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    Chewie94 - 09/02/2016 21:33 - United States

    Today, I was sitting and drinking a glass of water. I walked to the other room and when I came back, there was a pube in my cup. I've been alone all day. FML
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    18mpavli - 09/02/2016 21:07 - United States - Blair

    Today, I went to pick up an old lady in the nursing home I work at for supper in the dining room. She always hits on me for my looks. I knocked on her door and she said to come in to her room. She shut the door behind me and was completely naked. She ran towards me. I am scared for life. FML
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    yepthisisit - 09/02/2016 21:02 - United States - San Francisco

    Today, I couldn't get a ride home. So, I had to walk almost two miles with only a hoodie to keep me warm. Did I mention that it's only 6°F outside? FML
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    AccidentalKiss - 09/02/2016 20:44 - Ireland - Dublin

    Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I had finished a full glass of wine before I realised there was a lipstick mark where my lips had touched the glass. I wasn't wearing lipstick. FML
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    dada-drama - 09/02/2016 20:42 - United States - Alhambra

    Today, my father-in-law also, became my stepdad. FML
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    ReComatosed242 - 09/02/2016 20:31 - Bahamas - Nassau

    Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument over who's a better worker, the argument ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they look like "fresh popping doughs", I'm scared now. FML
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    anonymous - 09/02/2016 20:31 - France - Clermont-ferrand

    Today, my mum met my black boyfriend for the first time. They got along great, but when he left she said that I couldn't see home any more. Her reason? He's black. She's still insisting that this isn't racist.FML
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    Wraith09 - 09/02/2016 20:20 - Canada - Holland Landing

    Today, my boss took analysis report, added some colours and animated GIF's, and presented it at a mangers meeting as hers. She got a round of applause and kudos for well thought out presentation. The same report I presented last month, without the colours and GIF's, to blank stares and silence. FML
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    Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML
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    Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after two years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML
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    Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said, "Check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML
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    Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
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    Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
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    Today, my long-term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course, he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy, I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way too old for him. I'm three years younger than my fiancé. FML
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