Your everyday life stories

lezbehonestgirls - 09/02/2016 23:12 - United States - Denton

Today, not only did I realize how lonely I was by the fact that I've been single for over 4 years, but now even my dog refuses to cuddle with me FML

NightmareIssac - 09/02/2016 23:02 - United States - New Haven

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years surprised me with breaking up with me. While I was picking her up. I was going to surprise her with a vacation. TO JAPAN. Lets just say I'm looking for a friend to go with me.

CRINGE - 09/02/2016 22:59 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, at my grandparents house, I went on their computer in their office. As I opened a new tap, there were suggested sites according to their recent history. All of the sites were porn. I know they aren't my grandmas so they have to be my grandpas. I'll never look at him the same. FML

Ramb0 - 09/02/2016 22:54 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I took my brown Labrador to the vets for a regular check up. When I went to pick him up later he magically turned into a brown poodle. Where's my dog gone? FML

why - 09/02/2016 22:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, in class, I closed my eyes for a split second, and when I opened them, my teacher's butt was in my face. FML

Nightingale1429 - 09/02/2016 22:44 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary about life on a horse farm with my gf (whom loves horses) and in this scene they were preparing the horses for breeding. They lifted the mare's tail and I immediately got a boner. She was laying on my lap, and said, "... Really?". She knows I'm a brony. FML

antinomians - 09/02/2016 22:41 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend did not realize how disgusting it is to pick her boogers and eat them. She's 19. I almost threw up. FML.

dancetastrophy - 09/02/2016 22:23 - United States - Glenview

Today, two days away from the premier of a show I'm in, I was notified that the person checking dance mixes just got around to mine. Half of my dance was ruled "inappropriate for our smaller audience", and I may be cut from the show. FML

cosmic_peanut - 09/02/2016 22:18 - Greece

Today, on the national Internet safety day I manage to infect my laptop with a virus which firmly deleted everything on it , including my finals assignment. FML

Angry Type-1 Diabetic - 09/02/2016 22:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I went to pick up my prescription for my insulin. The pharmacist said that there were no refills left on file. I called it in on Saturday and now I'm all out. Why is insulin not an automatic refill? Looks like I'm not eating dinner tonight. FML

TheLynx - 09/02/2016 22:15 - United States - Fairfax Station

Today, I found out my crush is dating my brother. FML

darkfairy2016 - 09/02/2016 22:14 - United States - Boston

Today, my daughter caught me and my wife humping each other. I think I just scared her for life. FML

Anonymous - 09/02/2016 22:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, in the silence of class, my stomach growled and sounded remarkably like a fart. At the same time, someone let out a silent but deadly near me. Everyone looked at me. FML

anonymous - 09/02/2016 22:09 - United States - East Hartford

Today, the smartest, funniest, prettiest girl I'll probably ever be with broke up with me. On our anniversary. Right before Valentine's Day. FML

nonewfackboys - 09/02/2016 22:00 - Germany

Today, I was walking down a corrador and a kid walked out of the bathroom with his dick half way out of his pants, he turned around and walked right into me. Might as well burn my favorite shirt. FML

robcom263 - 09/02/2016 21:58 - United States - Mooresville

Today, I was at school and I had this little silver tin with about 30 mints in the container a teacher saw the mints thinking they were pills and told the office, I had to go up their so that they could search my bag and find out that they were mints. FML

Anonymous - 09/02/2016 21:52 - United States - Winona

Today at work, I fell asleep because my five year old daughter kept me up last night. My boss happened to walk by and fire me, even though it was my first f**k up at work. FML

sad and broke - 09/02/2016 21:49 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, im so broke i had to decide between paying the electric or the water bill. FML

Melissa_Rox - 09/02/2016 21:41 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I asked my mom for a wallet she said no she needs to save money. That same day she bought my sister a bag. The bag was $10,000. The wallet was $30. FML

Anonymous - 09/02/2016 21:39 - United States - Union City

Today, I just recently got back from visiting my parents to find my wife and her cousin having sex. When I walked in on them, they stopped for about a good second, then continued. Apparently, I'm the one to blame for not being home all the time to check on her and the kids. FML

humus wipe - 09/02/2016 21:38 - United States - Excelsior

Today, my best friend picked up a huge glob of humus and wiped it all over me. This is after she yelled at me for lightly bumping her hand into humus, getting the tiniest amount on her fingers. FML

istheaar_on - 09/02/2016 21:36 - Italy - Padua

Today, I got off work and came home to my pregnant wife. we had sex, ate, watched a movie together and cuddled. right before we go to sleep, I open FML for a minute to get some final giggles." youre not paying attention to me, get your priorities straight" she says. Now she won't talk to me. FML.

Chewie94 - 09/02/2016 21:33 - United States

Today, I was sitting and drinking a glass of water. I walked to the other room and when I came back, there was a pube in my cup. I've been alone all day. FML

18mpavli - 09/02/2016 21:07 - United States - Blair

Today, I went to pick up an old lady in the nursing home I work at for supper in the dining room. She always hits on me for my looks. I knocked on her door and she said to come in to her room. She shut the door behind me and was completely naked. She ran towards me. I am scared for life. FML

yepthisisit - 09/02/2016 21:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I couldn't get a ride home. So, I had to walk almost two miles with only a hoodie to keep me warm. Did I mention that it's only 6°F outside? FML

AccidentalKiss - 09/02/2016 20:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I had finished a full glass of wine before I realised there was a lipstick mark where my lips had touched the glass. I wasn't wearing lipstick. FML

dada-drama - 09/02/2016 20:42 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my father-in-law also, became my stepdad. FML

ReComatosed242 - 09/02/2016 20:31 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument over who's a better worker, the argument ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they look like "fresh popping doughs", I'm scared now. FML

anonymous - 09/02/2016 20:31 - France - Clermont-ferrand

Today, my mum met my black boyfriend for the first time. They got along great, but when he left she said that I couldn't see home any more. Her reason? He's black. She's still insisting that this isn't racist.FML

Wraith09 - 09/02/2016 20:20 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, my boss took analysis report, added some colours and animated GIF's, and presented it at a mangers meeting as hers. She got a round of applause and kudos for well thought out presentation. The same report I presented last month, without the colours and GIF's, to blank stares and silence. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML

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Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after two years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said, "Check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

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Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

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Today, my long-term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course, he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy, I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way too old for him. I'm three years younger than my fiancé. FML

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