Your everyday life stories

No Phone No TV - 08/02/2016 21:52 - United States - Danvers

Today, my sister broke my tv because I wouldn't walk a mile to the car to get her phone that she left in it. FML

PingusTheDingus - 08/02/2016 21:47 - United States - Marietta

Today, my mom took us all out to eat at a local restaurant. While we were eating, I asked her what the occasion was. She responded by pointing at a banner on the window that said "Vets & Family eat free!" I had to explain that it meant Veterans, not Veterinarians. FML

GrossedOut - 08/02/2016 21:36 - United States - Santa Monica

Today a 70+ old woman moaned her way through my yoga class. I go to exercise;I had to listen to her stretch to orgasm. She was right in front of me. I did not watch but I can't close my ears. FML

courtneygocal - 08/02/2016 21:16 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend pissed while I was sucking him off, FML

Wraith09 - 08/02/2016 21:12 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, after securing financing, looking for the right contractor, & hours on a design program to get just the right lay out for the basement, the contractor gave us a quote on finishing the basement in our 10 y.o. home. "You want more space, move. This basement is crap! I won't touch this job" FML

Anonymous - 08/02/2016 21:10 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I woke up to find two windows of my three-week old car smashed in. This wouldn't be too bad, but considering I need it after spending four hours in the ER due to a severe ankle sprain, I'm pretty much screwed. FML

PuckYouToTheFace - 08/02/2016 21:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that my parents booked me a surprise flight to Las Vegas to spend Presidents Day weekend with them. This would be completely fine if I wasn't going to miss both Valentine's Day and my boyfriend's birthday while I'm gone. FML

amaraone - 08/02/2016 20:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a Vietnam veteran while on the bus too work. When it was my stop I said thank you for serving our country, he freaked out and had a war flashback. FML.

battered and bruised - 08/02/2016 20:55 - Australia - Koroit

Today, I was down the street with my husband and saw some disabled people. He started imitating, so I smacked him and told him to stop, only for an old lady to come up to me and start hitting me with her umbrella. He kept up the charade and acted disabled while yelling "don't let her hit me!" FML

Anonymous - 08/02/2016 20:43 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after paying a lot of money for a professional photo shoot; the photographer refused to take pictures of me because "photoshop cannot fix this ugly". FML

:( - 08/02/2016 20:35 - United States - Port Orange

Today, I found out my dad has been cheating on my mom with my aunt... FML.

isnobodyhere - 08/02/2016 20:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. I said yes and was so excited to look at wedding things. However he became upset when I did since he didn't "formally propose" yet. FML

Mika90 - 08/02/2016 20:34 - United States

Today, I found out that my twin daughters have both inherited my hearing impairment, one that I had been told was most likely a birth defect and had no chance of passing on. FML

Weirdo - 08/02/2016 20:30 - Brazil - Vit?ria

Today, I lost a bet, and had to eloquently argue on Facebook that Trump would make the best president ever. FML.

georgia_pine - 08/02/2016 20:27 - United States - Macomb

Today, my mom put her bra on the counter where the tissues usually are. I didn't notice until I blew my nose in it. FML

testsubject - 08/02/2016 20:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was spanked by my teacher in front of the class during sex Ed. Reason? She tried to explain foreplay to a bunch of high schoolers.... FML.

ReiracsNeve - 08/02/2016 20:10 - United States

Today, while driving in the car, a car honked at me. I instinctively honked backing, thinking this person was just being an asshole. Turns out, my coffee was on my roof. FML

Spencer_40 - 08/02/2016 20:03 - Canada - Ayr

Today, I was waiting for the bus and I saw the bus coming. When the bus stopped, it let out some people and closed the door before I can get on. I had to chase the bus for 1/4 of a km. When he finally stopped, he was laughing his ass of and so were the other passengers. FML

rocngrl3 - 08/02/2016 19:58 - United States

Today, I lost my keys in Wal-Mart. After searching for an hour, I eventually gave up and called my roommate to come pick me up. I have lab tomorrow and my locker key is on my keyring. I'm going to get a zero because I won't have my materials. Now, I'm out a car, my dorm key, and my lab key. FML

Anonymous - 08/02/2016 19:44 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

WittyMoron - 08/02/2016 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my asshat of a neighbour got really drunk, grabbed my newborn baby, and ran down the road, attempting to give her to a stranger. When I grabbed her out of his arms he threatened to sue me for assault. FML

rocngrl3 - 08/02/2016 19:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's couch waiting while he used the bathroom. All of a sudden, he runs out of the bathroom and starts peeing on me. It was so warm. FML

howaminotdeas - 08/02/2016 19:26 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, it is the 46th day of my period. I have been bleeding for 46 days (heavily) and I am not dead yet. FML.

Anonymous - 08/02/2016 19:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my 18 year old daughter told me she's working on her tan so she can get into college through affirmative action, FML

dogestuffup - 08/02/2016 19:18 - Jordan - Amman

Today, and after 17 years, my parents decided to consult a psychiatrist about my case. it turns out that I am autistic. when mom heard the doctor say that, she said: "that explains a lot". when we got into the car, she said: "I knew I should have aborted you". FML.

Stinkyfingers - 08/02/2016 19:14 - United States - Albuquerque

Today,I was babysitting a delightful little girl I put her in her room for a nap while i fixed lunch. I heard her giggling through the baby montiar and asked her what she was doing. "painting" she repiled concerend I went into her room only to find she used her fecel matter to paint EVERYTHING.FML

Ishouldhavejustgone2school - 08/02/2016 19:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I woke up with a fever, so I stayed home from school. I guess my mom didn't tell my dad before she left for work, because when he woke up he started jacking off loudly as he talked to our cat.

anonymous - 08/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Livonia

Today, after finding out a week ago that my gf was pregnant from her last relationship, I find out on Facebook that she is back with her baby daddy. I guess when she said she needed time, she meant "time to get back together with him.

YouAnchor - 08/02/2016 18:57 - United States

Today, I walked in on my little brother jerking off to the Mona Lisa. FML

ellerios82 - 08/02/2016 18:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I had to go poop really bad, so I rush upstairs to the bathroom to do so. In mid-poop, I realized that I left the toilet paper downstairs. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I attempted to go on holiday but when my passport was scanned it triggered an alarm. Apparently I’m a wanted man for several crimes in Majorca. I’ve never once set foot in Majorca. You’d think my passport information would tell them that. FML

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Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

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Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

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Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

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Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

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