Miscellaneous

By merrr - 20/01/2014 20:34 - Canada

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 119

You deserved it 13 827

By Kaddiscott - 20/01/2014 10:12 - Italy - Marco

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 692

You deserved it 8 145

Kaddiscott tells us more.

Kaddiscott 11

Monday 20 January 2014 23:29

Hi guys, OP here. I speak fluent french, I just had a little blunder. This was actually like a few months ago when I was on France on holiday, and yeah the seller gave me a funny look and we had a giggle, but then I said, ooops and that I meant to say potato. It was soooo embarrassing, my parents never let me live it down FML hahahah

By Anonymous - 19/01/2014 21:08 - Canada - Prince Albert

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 921

You deserved it 9 866

By fail - 19/01/2014 20:35 - United States

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 769

You deserved it 5 695

By cjgreer70 - 18/01/2014 23:09 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 403

You deserved it 4 652

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 06:29 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 112

You deserved it 10 275

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 03:48 - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 211

You deserved it 5 532

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 061

You deserved it 6 801

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 22:21 - Canada - Surrey

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 807

You deserved it 5 569

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 18:38 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 288

You deserved it 5 392

By my cheese grater + your dick - 17/01/2014 17:35 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 151

You deserved it 5 321

By Fire sucks. - 17/01/2014 03:42 - United States

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 621

You deserved it 4 665

By nolovefor21 - 16/01/2014 11:45 - Australia - Wentworthville

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 586

You deserved it 20 549

nolovefor21 tells us more.

nolovefor21 1

Friday 17 January 2014 3:43

OP here, I didnt "hack" into her account really, I asked her if I could use her account to try and plan myself a surprise party.. Mainly because Ive always wanted one but never had anyone step up to do it. She gave me her password so I could do it. But apparently that was a waste of time according to my mother...

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 01:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 204

You deserved it 5 498

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 120

You deserved it 6 084

By Anonymous - 15/01/2014 15:05 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 040

You deserved it 5 399

By Pop - 15/01/2014 02:38 - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that, "Old people are allowed to tell the truth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 578

You deserved it 4 791

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 4 382

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 18:30 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 934

You deserved it 18 499

By ===== - 14/01/2014 17:59 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 630

You deserved it 50 044

By rholt - 14/01/2014 06:48 - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 490

You deserved it 8 101

By ShelterForTheHomless - 14/01/2014 03:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 642

You deserved it 5 895

perdix tells us more.

perdix 29

Tuesday 14 January 2014 15:04

#41, yes, but I only know the shenanigans hobos play on male victims, and, yes, I'm still bitter that FML didn't publish that one.

By anonymous - 13/01/2014 01:40 - United States - Upper Darby

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 44 303

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 17:28 - United States - Sharon

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 751

You deserved it 3 734

By tired individual - 12/01/2014 11:04 - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 231

You deserved it 3 870

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 144

You deserved it 6 225

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:26 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 797

You deserved it 23 781

By -_-" - 11/01/2014 23:13 - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 223

You deserved it 9 055

By kyyle - 11/01/2014 04:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 208

You deserved it 4 868

By Anonymous - 11/01/2014 02:25 - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 996

You deserved it 9 622

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The Top

Today, I ride my bike 5.5 miles every day to get to and from work. My job is filled with a bunch of melodramatic 40-something year-old men that can't take a joke. I'm $10,000 in debt. I don't speak to my family or old friends, as they're no good and I'm trying to change my life trying but feel like I'm getting nowhere. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 269

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 655

You deserved it 3 548

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 603

You deserved it 363

Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 659

You deserved it 55 445

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 834

You deserved it 2 947

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 088

You deserved it 4 086