The Top

I said FML because I feel horrible. And of course I took my cat to the vet. She is fine. No internal bleeding, no punctured lung, no limping. The vet said there was no damage and to be more careful. Trust me, I won't leave the bathroom door cracked open anymore. Just an update.

Biker down

By Samm Povich - 25/02/2012 05:36 - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 2 546

Dozing off

By Math_Rocker - 02/09/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter, followed by embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 350

You deserved it 35 168

By itsEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 185

You deserved it 2 651

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 180

You deserved it 3 671

Scary

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montréal

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 838

You deserved it 5 675

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 13 986

By barbieissocute - 01/02/2016 03:27 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 540

You deserved it 6 674

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 548

You deserved it 3 376

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 7 541

The irony stings

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 11 337

By 21yearoldvirgin - 01/05/2009 09:46 - United States

Today, I paid 11 dollars to see the new Wolverine movie. I arrived an hour early and waited patiently for the movie to start. 3 minutes before it began, a drunk guy stumbled in and took the last empty seat in the theater... next to me. He talked to me the whole movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 212

You deserved it 8 330

21yearoldvirgin tells us more.

21yearoldvirgin 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 2:56

Just to clarify/answer all the questions, I did go with friends, I was on the end of the line of friends. And I was one of the last to show up, people got there 2 hours early. And I do live in CA. Movies are expensive. Like others said though, I don't think it ruined my life, it was just an unlucky occurrence. And yes he did smell lol. And not that it matters, but I'm a girl. And a wimp. ;)

By mylifereallysuks - 08/11/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 839

You deserved it 62 154