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Dick move

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker, "Turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you." I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 5 660

I'll get my coat

By sen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me, "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 630

You deserved it 2 667

Power move

By Anonymous - 28/04/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I took my kids and left my wife because she's been drinking, which I absolutely forbid. Now she's going on social media saying I kidnapped them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 321

Mommy needs a break

By Anonymous - 28/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight because I booked us on an adults-only Virgin Voyages cruise for our anniversary. I love him, but he wants every single vacation to be a family vacation with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 100

Mindreader

By Jimmyperalta - 28/04/2026 14:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend began bitching about how I never take her on dates anymore. I suggested one for tomorrow and now she says she doesn’t wanna go, because, “I should ask her on a date without her having to ask.” What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 164

I did warn you…

By sadmd - 29/04/2026 00:00 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, my elderly patient accused me of not taking good care of her, because, during my time off, she was taken to the hospital for anemia. I tested her for anemia months ago and discussed it with her, and she'd told me that she didn't want to go to the hospital. Guess who everyone believes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 47

Shifty

By Anonymous - 29/04/2026 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after years of effort, I was finally able to open my own full body beauty salon. I’ve been open approximately two hours and I’ve had six genuine customers and three shifty looking dudes trying to ask, without saying the actual words, if we’re one of those rub and tug, happy ending massage parlours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 33

Ungrateful brat

By Anonymous - 29/04/2026 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite all I've sacrificed to stay home with my child, and operating a small business while they are in school, my child decided to make a punchline out of me and roasted me in front of the whole family because my husband paid for my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 27

He has a point

By I'll stop being "bitter" when my life stops sucking - 29/04/2026 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, my tall, handsome, perfect cousin told me to stop bitching about being single and "work on myself", as if that would magically attract hordes of women. I told him to fuck off and swung at him. He knocked me on my ass and had the balls to say he forgave me but that I needed to stop being bitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 121

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 28 490

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 620

You deserved it 4 080

Today, I reported one of our college professors for openly displaying pornography on his office door. There was an investigation. He works in the Arts department and claims it's "photographic art." The campus agreed. I got formally reprimanded. What is "art" about explicit photos of naked children? FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 272

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 80

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 6 384

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 793

You deserved it 3 180