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    : 320



    Breakout

    Jennifer - 28/02/2025 20:00 - Australia

    Today, I had a job interview. The night before, I'd noticed a small pimple forming on my chin and did everything I could to make it go away. During the interview, I couldn’t focus on anything except the giant pimple that had sprouted on my forehead. I spent the entire time trying to keep my fringe in front of it. FML
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    Hot wheels

    Anne - 26/01/2026 03:00

    Today, I went to a café that claimed to be fully accessible, as I use a mobility aid. The ramp was technically there but so steep, I needed help. Three strangers helped push me up while I apologized, laughed nervously, and tipped coffee onto myself at the top. FML
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    My name is actually Blurt

    Anonymous - 18/12/2025 15:00

    Today, I saw my original birth certificate and realised I’ve spent almost all my life misspelling my first name. Now I’m worried it might invalidate pretty much every legal document I’ve ever signed. FML
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    Slippery situation

    Slippery - 11/07/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, it had rained and the marble steps outside my office were slicker than I expected. I was trying to navigate down them with a coffee cup in one hand and my phone in the other when I was startled by a notification, slipped, threw my coffee up in the air, and landed flat on my back. Of course there were spectators. FML
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    Never get involved

    Anonymous - 21/02/2025 10:00 - Australia - Geelong

    Today, because I told her ex that they were an abusive cheater after my friend cried to me about how their ex was treating them horribly for the sixth time this month, my friend blocked me. The ex told her I'd be the reason they'll stay together, and my friend begged me to talk to the ex. I refused. FML
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    Bigfoot

    Anonymous - 04/11/2025 15:00

    Today, I went for a walk in my brand new shoes that I bought around four days ago. I've always had problems walking on my right foot and when I was younger we couldn't buy Payless shoes as they'd be torn to pieces within a month. The left shoe felt perfectly fine; the right one feels like it's already disintegrating. FML
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    None taken

    Sorry, guys - 13/11/2025 20:00

    Today, it’s officially been 37 days since my fiance has seen me naked and longer than that since he’s tried to give me an orgasm. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been. I don’t want to end up like the people on here talking about sexless marriages for years and decades before we’re even married. No offense. FML
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    Why can't I be you?

    Failing forever - 19/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Dallas

    Today, my boyfriend knocked over a shelf in a store, making a huge racket and mess. He apologized profusely and helped the store clerk put the shelf back up like a normal person. I can't even bump into someone and apologize without freezing up and replaying it in my head for days. FML
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    A lot to unpack here

    Anonymous - 14/08/2025 22:00 - Germany

    Today, my crazy cousin copies and buys whatever I buy. Like I bought an electric razor to shave my legs and privates, and she took a photo of it to buy the exact same one for herself for the same reason. In a hospital situation that required her to shave her privates, her husband did it for her as she doesn't know how. FML
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    Scary Auntie

    Trish - 30/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Las Vegas

    Today, I tried to bond with my baby nephew by making funny faces at him. He stared at me like I was the most confusing creature he had ever seen, then burst into tears so loud it scared the dog. FML
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    Tease

    Blue balls forever - 20/10/2025 20:00

    Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
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    He's still a very good boy

    PaulineIsHere - 04/08/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, I spent all day baking dog-safe cookies for my pup's birthday. He sniffed them, turned around, and started begging for one of MY processed garbage cookies from a store instead. FML
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    Employee of the week

    Nathalieeeee - 13/09/2025 00:00 - United States

    Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML
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    Back to square one

    Anonymous - 09/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I created a 3D sculpture for a competition that I was hoping might impress some people, and maybe lead to a job with a particular company. I finished it last night for the competition, but this morning I realised it’s too big to get it out of my front door without taking it apart. FML
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    Chilling

    Anonymous - 25/01/2026 03:00

    Today, it was freezing in the office, so I brought in a small space heater and plugged it in under my desk. Moments later, the power went out on the entire floor of the office. I quickly unplugged the heater and stuck it in a drawer. Now I just have to somehow sneak it out of the office. FML
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    Anonymous - 13/06/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, after carefully keeping track of what I was eating and trying not to turn into a midnight snacker in order to lose weight, my sugar crashed at around 10:30pm. Before this I had two high protein bagels (at around 6:30pm) and a whole pint of fresh blueberries (at roughly 8pm) yet my sugar still crashed. FML
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    Clothes horse

    Monica - 21/08/2025 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

    Today, I walked into work with my freshly cleaned jacket that I wear in the office due to the AC. The jacket has Velcro on it and I didn't realize until I took it off that one of my bras was stuck to the Velcro. My hair is long so I hope no one noticed it, but I definitely greeted two people after walking in. FML
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    Unsolicited advice

    Heather - 16/12/2025 03:00

    Today, I was practicing a presentation while walking around my apartment. I didn’t realize my neighbor was standing outside my door, listening. When I opened it, he said, “Strong opening, but you lost confidence halfway.” I didn’t ask for notes. FML
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    Sticky

    Anonymous - 13/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

    Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML
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    Bad hair day

    - 31/10/2025 12:00

    Today, I went all out for my kids’ crazy hair day at school. I’m talking hair dye, liberty spikes, accessories, the whole nine. I was super proud of myself and the kids were ecstatic! That is until we showed up and realized that today was pajama day. Crazy hair day is tomorrow. FML
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    **** brainrot

    Anonymous - 23/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, while playing cards, me and my boyfriend were getting super competitive and started wagering sexual stuff. His first and only choice: anal. Why only anal? All the time anal, there’s hundreds of other things to try, why do men always go straight to anal? It’s gets boring after a while. FML
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    WhatsApp news!

    Anonymous - 01/12/2025 09:00

    Today, I bought a new smart scale that automatically broadcasts your weight to your fitness app. I didn’t realize it also shared updates with my gym group chat. They all got a notification titled, “Progress Report: Attempt #1.” It wasn’t progress. FML
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    Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?

    Anonymous - 21/06/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I found out that I’ve broken up with every man I’ve dated, teen years to adulthood, for no reason. I left my soulmate convinced my body was rejecting him physically. It turns out I have involuntary pelvic spasms and need therapy to dilate, and also therapy due to anxiety with penetration. FML
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    Snow day

    Chyna girl - 19/09/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, I pulled my clothes out of the dryer and realized I had washed an entire pack of tissues with them. Every single piece of clothing was covered in what looked like tiny snowflakes. I now look like I’ve been rolling around in dandruff. FML
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    Early Christmas party

    - 03/12/2025 20:00

    Today, I apologised to my colleagues on Teams for leaving the Christmas party early. The only responses were that they didn’t realise I was actually there, or didn’t even know who I am. FML
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    Stuck in a rut

    Anonymous - 10/07/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, I’m at a water park with my kids and their two friends. We all just got back from vacation where I got to see my wife every day. Now she’s back at work, and I won’t see her during the day. I go back to work tomorrow. For now, I’m at this park, bored as fuck, and lonely as hell. FML
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    Late stage capitalism

    Anonymous - 12/01/2026 00:00

    Today, I helped pay my mom's monthly electric and gas bill so she wouldn't have it shut off, since the company wouldn't accept her specific kind of card as payment, and the cash advance they could get was for less than half of the amount. Yes, I double-checked it wasn't a scam. It was for nearly $280 and I'm on SSI. FML
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    Sometimes, they just do

    Anonymous - 16/03/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

    Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
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    Tired and emotional

    Tired mommy - 19/11/2025 00:00

    Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
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    Politeness gone wrong

    Roadrage2025 - 26/12/2025 15:00

    Today, I let someone merge in traffic. They waved, merged, then immediately braked to make a turn, causing me to slam on the brakes and spill coffee all over myself. They waved again, like that fixed everything. I arrived at work sticky, caffeinated, and angry. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I’ve been sick for 3 weeks and by now I can hardly even distinguish whether I feel weak and shitty due to A) still being sick, B) lack of exercise (caused by A), or C) severe depression (caused by B). FML
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    Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
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    Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML
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    Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML
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    Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML
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    Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML
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