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Open up

By Anonymous - 18/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 90

You OK, mate?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have genuinely lost a day out of my week. It is currently Sunday, but yesterday I was at work on Friday, so where did my Saturday go? I genuinely have no memory of Saturday. I went to bed Friday and woke up Sunday, and now I’m scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 72

Where on Earth do you work?

By Horrorized - 22/05/2026 03:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my spiritual faith is put to the test. Divine intervention? Spiritual challenge? No. I somehow got in the middle of a violent argument between two colleagues, who both think I'm on the opposing side. One claims she knows witchcraft, the other claims to have "unseen friends" who owe him big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 85

The good old days

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 22:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I don’t normally keep track of the latest fast food menu items (or prices) so when I pulled into the drive-thru line at McDonald's and after I started scanning the menu, the worker asked for my order. I asked, “Where’s the dollar menu or whatever?” They replied, "Probably in the 1990s.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 170

Make it a double feature

By Anonymous - 27/05/2026 12:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, my husband declared that since our youngest son happened to be born on our anniversary, we no longer needed to celebrate. He reasoned that it would be “wrong” to make his special day about us. Truth is he’s just a cheap unromantic sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 107

Tipping point

By BagBoy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 200

You deserved it 3 096

Group solidarity

By Anonymous - 31/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I was in group therapy, talking about my disordered eating habits and suppressed appetite from meds, and how I've been struggling to eat. One group member, who was definitely not listening to me, suggested I try Zepbound because his mom is thinner than me and she uses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 86

Membershipmaxxing

By Gym girl - 01/06/2026 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, my ex and I both go to the same gym because we're too stubborn to change our membership. He's not being a creeper, but he's dropped over fifty pounds and all the girls there keep talking about how hot he's gotten. It's really awkward when we're in a class together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 291

Tipping culture wars

By Anonymous - 03/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, during a first date, we discovered we had complete opposite views on tipping. Neither of us wanted to back down, so we spent an hour debating economics instead of getting to know each other. At the end, the server thanked us for the entertainment and asked if we'd be coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 400

Horny camp

By Cathie - 05/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I went camping with friends, two guys and one girl. Night came and things got freaky. Two of them began to make out. I wanted to make a move on my guy friend but he said, “Nah, let’s not ruin the friendship.” Then he proceeded to have a threesome with them. Oh, and the other guy didn’t want me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 121

Let the man have his hobbies

By hildi - 07/06/2026 09:00 - Switzerland

Today, my husband is such a cheap-ass that he spent two days underneath his old beater car with an angle grinder and a welding rig, grinding off some old rusty supports, and welding on new ones. He makes enough money to throw that thing in the scrapyard and buy a brand new car. I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 532

Not technically front row, then

By Jenny - 09/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, after I bought front-row tickets thanks to six months of saving, it was finally showtime. The person in front of me turned out to be really, really tall and wore a cowboy hat the entire show. Every photo I took looks like I paid $300 to watch the back of a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 91

Check where you sit

By Anonymous - 10/06/2026 20:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 282

Here in my car

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 15:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just a week after replacing my car's head gasket in a 7-hour job, my car's timing desynced. Fixing it could take 6 hours. Maybe I should just walk everywhere from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 82

Time flies

By Jellyroll - 14/06/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered custom birthday balloons online. The company printed my age as 82 instead of 28. The balloons arrived on the morning of the party, and there wasn't enough time to replace them. My guests spent the evening asking about my "remarkable longevity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 102

Not a theater kid

By Serious actor - 16/06/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I signed up for a theater production as they needed extras. I had exactly one line in the entire play. During opening night, I became so focused on remembering the line, I forgot to walk on stage when it was my cue. People stood there on stage waiting for my character, who was backstage, congratulating himself for not forgetting his line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 346

In this economy?!

By No fair - 17/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I desperately want a kid with my wife, but unfortunately I'm stuck on the hook for child support. The kid was a mistake, a pregnancy from a relationship that lasted less than two months, and unless I can get my payments reduced there's no way my wife and I can afford a kid of our own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 679

No Bob Ross

By Anonymous - 19/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I joined a beginners' painting class to finally try a new hobby. I was doing fine until I went to rinse my brush, dunked my entire hand into a cup of blue paint water, then spent the rest of class with one blue hand and a painting that looked like a potato in a storm. The instructor said it had “character,” which I assume was out of sympathy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 94

It's not all doom and gloom

By Anonymous - 23/06/2026 03:00 - Germany - Jembke

Today, I pet my neighbour's two cats. They were at opposite ends of the same room, so I could only pet one at a time. When I pet one, the other one felt lonely and cried for me. I felt sorry for her. Cutest FML ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 109

Post-truth world

By Anonymous - 24/06/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I caught my dad cheating on my stepmom with a man, and I took pictures. She dismissed them as AI-generated and accused me of trying to break them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 93

Brain freeze

By Candidatedayy - 28/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I finally got an interview with my dream company. Everything went perfectly until the interviewer asked if I had any questions. I tried to say, "What do you enjoy most about working here?" Instead, I somehow asked, "Why do you still work here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 104

I tried

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, after spending two hours baking cookies for my niece's school's fundraiser, I packed them into a container and drove to the school. When I got there, the teacher looked confused and said the fundraiser was next Saturday. By the time the actual date arrived, every cookie had been eaten by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 309

Lost in music

By Anonymous - 05/07/2026 12:00 - France - Lille

Today, I wore noise-canceling headphones while cleaning my apartment. Apparently I'd been singing at the top of my lungs for nearly an hour, because my neighbor knocked on my door just to ask if everything was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 358

I did everything right and…

By Anonymous - 09/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and tracked down the owner through social media. They thanked me, met me to pick it up, opened it, and immediately asked where the $20 bill had gone. There had never been a $20 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 57

Thank you, kind stranger

By naive - 10/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent twenty minutes helping an elderly man figure out how to use the self-checkout. When we'd finished, he smiled, thanked me, then walked away… without paying for any of his groceries. The cashier assumed I was with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 81

Bon appétit !

By Anonymous - 14/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, as I was running late for work, I asked my husband to pack me some hard boiled eggs for lunch. When I went on my lunch break, I went to crack my eggs only to discover they were completely raw. When confronted, my husband said, “Well you didn’t say I had to cook them first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 97

Betrayed

By Bitches - 16/07/2026 03:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 89

Old timey reference

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 191

Sentimental value

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that my ex gifted a special handcrafted necklace I made for him to his new girlfriend. She wears it on all her socials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 84

Unprofessionnal

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Davenport

Today, my pulmonologist dropped me as a patient. She kept insisting that my weight was the problem, so I put in the work and lost 60 pounds. My lungs are even worse now than they were when I was obese. So instead of admitting she was wrong and helping me figure out the real issue, she just won't see me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 75

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The Top

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 592

You deserved it 2 020

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years-old, and have since misplaced it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 360

You deserved it 6 800

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 10 716

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 4 711

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 366

You deserved it 10 892

Today, after seven years, I finally found out why my sister was mad at me: Because I had to get admitted to give birth on the day she had planned her baby shower, which she didn't inform me about or invite me to. As I stole her thunder by giving birth, being full term 44 weeks and way past my due date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 60