The Top

To follow up, I was watching Star Trek: Into Darkness (really great movie) and the only ones sitting next to me were my friends. We were sitting in the middle front, I could hear a few "ew's" from the rows behind me but I heard more laughs. I kept my face straight forward and tried to pretend it wasn't me lol

By rejectedmidair - 13/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected it. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 235

You deserved it 7 079

By seriously - 24/05/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 767

You deserved it 4 579

By in_hardik - 11/06/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 098

You deserved it 1 884

Booksmart

By hfksorws - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 837

You deserved it 6 169

By soreloser - 20/05/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 886

You deserved it 6 193

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 710

You deserved it 2 741

By megmo7 - 04/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 4 489

Pet this!

By shando - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 3 650

Keep up!

By AstralLuna - 05/03/2021 17:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 1 181

Tanning

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 04:08 - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 15 787

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 130

You deserved it 10 789

Misunderstood

By Lonely - 24/07/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 615

You deserved it 9 480

By BerryRockstar - 21/04/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 791

You deserved it 17 817

BerryRockstar tells us more.

BerryRockstar 9

Thursday 23 April 2009 13:25

AAAHH I can't believe I posted this on here and now i have to EXPLAIN myself to you people. Well there's the thing. 1) This was totally not a "Today" but a totally "Last November" 2) He was wearing headphones when we got into it, so why should i help him any 3) This was the FIRST time we'd done it, so HE was the bad lay 4) We're not dating anymore (I broke up with him) 5) FML anyway for wasting so much time with him I know i cheated on the "today" thing, but who hasn't. It just says that they all relatively START with "today" and END with FML. I hope this answers a couple of questions.

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 612

You deserved it 4 803