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How is that fair?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 639

You deserved it 4 243

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 164

You deserved it 12 927

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 344

Blackout

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, after sexting with my wife for the whole day, I came home to a dark house due to a blackout. Being horny, I went in and started humping her from the back. She screamed. It was my mom who came to supply candles during the blackout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 2 576

By rhplb - 17/05/2016 13:10 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 148

You deserved it 910

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 242

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 17:00

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 176

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/08/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 927

You deserved it 3 220

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 698

You deserved it 6 209

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 055

You deserved it 5 107

By Toothach - 12/05/2016 01:38 - Canada - Fonthill

Today, I went to my dentist's appointment with huge anxiety because I had to get a filling. Last week, I paid $120 to be told I needed this filling. This time, I paid $80 to be told my teeth are fine. Each visit lasted all of 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 277

You deserved it 918

Romantic evening

By Neglected - 11/12/2013 19:06 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 263

You deserved it 6 268

Entitled bitch

By das_shizzle - 02/05/2020 05:00

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 250

Bye!

By loverpants - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 186

You deserved it 5 656

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 568

You deserved it 3 058

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 1 830

Treat yourself!

By Crusty - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 834

You deserved it 17 910

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 254

By vin_dex - 05/12/2013 05:40 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 703

You deserved it 33 232

vin_dex tells us more.

vin_dex 8

Friday 6 December 2013 6:45

OP, hi! I can definitely be talkative sometimes, but that's actually not what happened here. I was at my friend's house and we were trying to pick a movie to watch when I noticed they had Aladdin. We got into a silly argument over whether to watch that or some action flick when I started dramatically singing and talking about all my favorite Disney princesses for laughs. Little did I know, during that time, my friend's little sister had wandered in and was staring at me. The whole room quieted down and then we heard that little bit of sass- "You definitely need to calm down." We all laughed so hard we cried.

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 265

You deserved it 4 108

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 883

You deserved it 41 915

Take a hike

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 403

You deserved it 5 353

By Traumatized - 05/03/2011 19:57 - Israel

Spicy

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 198

You deserved it 6 099

By whyme_ss - 23/02/2010 22:10 - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 45 347

Frozen

By Good_old_Grim - 23/02/2010 07:56 - Latvia

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper was actually ice. After a bit of struggle, I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 777

You deserved it 6 819

By Mika_Ookami - 21/02/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 103

You deserved it 3 274

Use the force wisely

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 388

You deserved it 43 914

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 3 773

Help!

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 109

You deserved it 3 572

By Will - 21/02/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I had food poisoning. I spent all day on the can. I also had a bucket to throw up into at the same time. I was sick out of both ends, at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 221

You deserved it 2 770

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The Top

The Top

Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 955

You deserved it 43 386

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 551

You deserved it 15 403

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 729

You deserved it 8 785

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 954

Today, I re-started the Grindr app several times because I wasn’t receiving notifications. Turns out it wasn’t malfunctioning, it was just that I didn’t get a single message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 399

Today, a third person in my husband's family made a comment insinuating that our children aren't my husband's. I have never cheated on him, they are 100% his, and look just like him. I'm not sure if they are joking and rude, or serious and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 123