The Top

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Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 11:00

Today, my son had a screaming meltdown because I told him to clean his own room and that I refuse to be treated like his personal maid. He’s 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 379

By Jen__ - 22/03/2014 07:18 - Canada - Kitimat

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 232

You deserved it 4 484

By DEATHBYEX1LE - 04/03/2013 05:01 - Australia

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 399

You deserved it 48 371

DEATHBYEX1LE tells us more.

DEATHBYEX1LE 11

Monday 4 March 2013 21:59

I know the difference, I just made a simple mistake....

By looking - 25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 429

You deserved it 17 655

Everybody does

By Bill - 31/05/2021 05:59 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 116

Hello!

By Iwantahug - 13/08/2022 14:00

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again for the first time in six weeks. Since I’ve come down with Covid, the only real difference it makes with our virtual contact is that now we can wave to each other in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 18:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 718

You deserved it 3 415

Expert level

By badadvise - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 679

You deserved it 2 676

How could you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 16:00

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 183

By Eyefreshener - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 102

You deserved it 67 037

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 02:00

Today, I had to deal with a lady who claimed her son was autistic to try and skip the queue. Even her son was saying he’s not autistic, and she was screaming in his face that yes he was. I happen to be genuinely autistic. Security threw her out, and I was jealous that I didn’t get to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 145

By anonymous - 20/03/2012 22:33 - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 361

You deserved it 4 034

Fire…?

By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 171

Sussy baka

By Every time I date a retail chick - 21/08/2022 22:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I learned that while I respectfully distanced myself from my female friends in the last two years of dating my girlfriend, as per her request, she has been making loads of new male friends on her "backup Snapchat." This includes guys from her work, or guys her girlfriends bring around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 318

By pooh anne - 26/02/2013 20:26 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 111

You deserved it 7 988

ARE YOU ******* SORRY?

By Evelyn - 19/03/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 527

You deserved it 7 912

Jumpscare

By sadguy - 22/09/2009 18:30 - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the two carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 781

You deserved it 11 009

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 282

You deserved it 21 239

Sex ed is broken

By Laura B. - 13/08/2022 22:00

Today, I went with my son to a conference about sexual education at his high school. I guess it was all too late, because among the attendees I saw three girls from the same high school who were already pregnant. They aren't even 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 189

Rageposting

By Fxchi - 04/06/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I saw that the girl who used to sleep with everyone in high school got engaged. I commented on her post, “How did a girl who was easier to get into than community college get a ring?” She replied, “Because I kept my body in shape, unlike you, have a quality day!” Her comment got 43 likes. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 2 026

The fun police has arrived

By shonfyr - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 357

You deserved it 10 268

By kekeroos - 20/05/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 111

You deserved it 3 262

kekeroos tells us more.

kekeroos 2

Friday 20 May 2011 19:54

While it is a public system and I'm bound to encounter plenty of 'weird' people, I would still never expect a 50 something year old professional woman to be picking at her scalp and then eating whatever it is she picks out. And while none of her pickings ended up on me, one good head shake would have changed that very quickly. It would have been Christmas in my lap in May!

By Pickle - 06/07/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 013

You deserved it 32 138

Sociopathic

By Tina - 04/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Holland

Today, my boyfriend of three years broke up with me and blocked me everywhere, after I moved to another country to be with him… and then found out he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 144

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 09/03/2014 19:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 173

You deserved it 3 286

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 392

You deserved it 9 347

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 48

Record scratch moment

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 140

Useful idiot

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 096

You deserved it 4 539

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 227

You deserved it 7 848

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 695

You deserved it 3 962

Today, during lunch, I said, "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on." One of the guys present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying, "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman." Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 645

You deserved it 10 239

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 920

You deserved it 3 616

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 248

Today, and every winter day, my neighbor lets his car warm up in the driveway, even though it’s harmful to the engine as it doesn’t lubricate properly while running in neutral. It’s also illegal in my country. He still does it for up to half an hour every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 598

Today, my ex-husband listed himself as “In a relationship” with the co-worker he constantly reassured me not to worry about on Facebook. The ink on our divorce paperwork hasn’t even dried yet. We had an amicable divorce because he “just wasn’t feeling it anymore.” Now I know why. I’m sick to my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 122