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By kiddo - 28/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 137

You deserved it 2 134

Thanksgiving sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I spent Thanksgiving alone. I'm not close to my family, I'm the black sheep but my sister said she would come over. To my surprise, she ended up going to my family's', where I'm not wanted. My boyfriend went to his family's, so I spent the whole day alone. He'd even took my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 212

Old soul

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 16:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I realized I’ve become an old woman. I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, have rheumatoid arthritis, carry a stash of candy in my purse, and got excited when I bought a new potato peeler. I’m only 29, but I’m an old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 164

Splatter analysis

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 14:00 - United States - Pataskala

Today, after I wore a pad last night, I woke up this morning, took off my underwear to use the bathroom, and a huge period glob flew hit the rug and splattered everywhere. The globs got on every piece if clothing I wore. I then had to clean what looked like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 145

By LizGo - 17/11/2013 06:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 452

You deserved it 14 707

By sohungry - 02/01/2012 12:18 - India

Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 685

You deserved it 2 714

By Anonymous - 26/02/2011 20:19 - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 552

You deserved it 5 185

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 3 840

Get Back

By DiskJockey - 05/08/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on eBay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 094

You deserved it 11 937

Traumatic

By cuz803 - 07/09/2021 17:01

Today, despite working out and training in combat sports routinely as a lifestyle, I continue to have nightmares of those who bullied me in middle school in the past. These people can no longer torture me in real life, but still can in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 210

White Lotus vibes

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 10:00

Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 22:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 341

You deserved it 3 536

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 487

You deserved it 7 360

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 07:18 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 608

You deserved it 3 065

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 05:59 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 683

You deserved it 2 734

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 2 755

Fight Club

By CurseYouSonyaLee - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 5 652

By CutieBooty - 22/02/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 431

You deserved it 35 803

Downer

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 116

By ;)loganberry(; - 27/12/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said, "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 705

You deserved it 50 483

I can't help it

By SPOODERZ - 10/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom still freaks out and yells "Where?" when I mention spiders to her in any form, regardless of context, and no matter what I preface it with. She just fixates on the word "spider." I get that arachnophobia is pretty miserable to have, but this is ridiculous. Go see a therapist, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 283

By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 5 238

By Alice - 01/08/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 532

You deserved it 10 883

Fake mystery guy

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 08:08

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 08:09 - Canada

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 062

You deserved it 7 260

By kiriakousauce21 - 15/02/2010 07:44 - France

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 870

You deserved it 32 873

Smash capitalism

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 114

Some people just shouldn't have roommates

By Good Night, USA - 12/12/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I've made it clear to my roommate that I go to the bed at the same time every night, and that I need absolute peace and quiet from that point onward. Apparently, he misheard it as, "Watch American Dad until midnight, and possibly beyond." That theme song is gonna make me go nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 1 339

Hyperrealism

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 01:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 782

You deserved it 1 910

Compliance

By peeved - 18/02/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 522

You deserved it 5 876

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The Top

Today, I was talking with my girlfriend. We both have family issues, so we'd agreed to open up to each other today. Turns out I'm dating my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 197

You deserved it 1 879

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 499

You deserved it 3 728

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 465

You deserved it 34 718

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 4 030

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 501

You deserved it 2 747

Today, I was denied entry into Hong Kong after flying here from Canada and paying thousands of uncancellable dollars for quarantine hotel and other plans, because the immigration company fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 178