The Top

Sooooo, this was my FML. Sadly, I didn't taste anything, since I didn't drink the water pure, but always mixed in cup-a-soup or something similar. Luckily me and my roommates are fine now, we're all a bit afraid of preparing food though, scared that there might be some kind of rodent in other kitchen devices. Obviously we threw away the water cooker (for those who didn't know what that is, seriously? you couldn't even think of what it 'might' be?) and since we got our new cat, Sammie, we haven't had any mice or rats crawling around! Yaaaay for Sammie!

Butterfingers

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 244

You deserved it 9 017

Tasty!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 161

You deserved it 3 697

Surprise!

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip to Paris, where I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of two years out and propose to her. I sneaked into our house as a surprise and… she was having sex with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 545

You deserved it 4 200

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 206

You deserved it 4 506

By tinygirl - 07/03/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 320

You deserved it 11 215

By dumbbass - 24/02/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 751

You deserved it 9 333

By geewhiz - 01/02/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 664

You deserved it 5 500

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 876

You deserved it 3 097

By owwwwwe - 09/01/2012 21:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 24 824

By poked - 06/03/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 933

You deserved it 4 151

By susan - 24/02/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 463

You deserved it 3 302

By Larry - 31/01/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 2 277

The old bait and switch

By Duped - 27/08/2021 14:01

Today, I bought a Playstation 5 on OfferUp. Upon taking the PS5 home, I opened the box and in its place were some dirty old shoes. The seller had also erased all her info from her OfferUp account and replies an obviously fake, "Automatic: The user is no longer available" message when I try to reach her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 1 118

Reminder

By Cromwel620 - 23/02/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 313

You deserved it 3 265

Deflexion

By Rach - 07/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I grabbed my husband’s phone to call my mom. The first thing I see is Google with searches like, “Hot young Latina singles dating” and a PornHub tab that had a “Petite Latina Teen” search. I’m white. When I asked my husband about it, he said his “buddy” hacked his internet, then angrily asked why I went through his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 367

By elijahrobrt - 07/01/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 386

You deserved it 5 724

Enjoy the silence

By Weter - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 499

You deserved it 3 558

Bride of Chucky

By spooked - 22/11/2013 06:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 910

You deserved it 3 815

Petty officer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 181

You deserved it 3 761

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 155

You deserved it 49 480

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 484

Stuck with it

By juice723 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 3 252

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 214

You deserved it 4 592

By hayah - 21/02/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 382

You deserved it 23 462

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 883

You deserved it 1 709

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 3 483

Today, my 6 year-old daughter asked, "What would happen to me if you and daddy died?" I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said, "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 514

You deserved it 10 030

Today, my 8 year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number keypad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 981

You deserved it 9 841

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 1 298

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 541

You deserved it 407