The Top

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That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 02:00

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 222

My life is average

By Karen - 24/01/2025 22:00 - United States - Solon

Today, I fell asleep while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. I then had an extremely vivid dream that I was going after Russian spies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 134

By forever alone - 12/05/2013 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends night out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 622

You deserved it 74 467

By Anonymous - 25/07/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 817

You deserved it 2 739

By supervisor - 06/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 18 249

This is fine

By Anonymous - 19/08/2023 16:00

Today, my husband has a chronic illness and can't work. We have 2 special needs kids who need a lot of assistance. Rent continues to go up and went up this year $570 for a total of $1800. I've taken up a second job to make ends meet, but it's increasing my depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 07/07/2014 01:27 - United States - Sandston

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 783

You deserved it 5 650

By blonde - 29/09/2010 07:08 - Australia

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 934

You deserved it 6 576

Weirded out

By CreepyPaperDoll - 05/11/2009 06:36 - United States

Today, I went for coffee with some people from work. I lined up to order behind a guy I'd only met a few times. When he paid, he dropped his wallet, and I saw that he had a picture of me cut from the company newsletter, enlarged, and taped inside his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 007

You deserved it 3 977

Spreading the love

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, I went to my uncle’s funeral. Later, I found out that his irresponsible idiot of a daughter had COVID, knew she had COVID, and not only showed up anyway, but didn’t bother to wear a mask, and went out of her way to go around hugging people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 251

Relax, don't do it

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was excited to finally use the expensive bath bombs I'd been saving. I filled the tub, dropped one in, and settled in for a relaxing soak. The bath bomb fizzed so much that it created a bubble mountain that spilled over, flooding my bathroom with colorful suds. My "relaxing" bath turned into a Slip 'N Slide adventure as I tried to mop up the mess in my birthday suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 191

Proselytism

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 04:00 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, it's the third day that I've been ghosted by a Christian boy who's still a virgin. Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s cute, and I liked him a lot. I’m just confused because he asked me out to church last week. He’s really sweet, but maybe he was just trying to convert me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 205

By HamSandwich12 - 08/05/2013 14:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 819

You deserved it 3 379

HamSandwich12 tells us more.

HamSandwich12 14

Thursday 9 May 2013 16:01

I think I need to gain about 5 more pounds to look "healthy". I'm not even 100 pounds. It's impossible for me to gain weight with this disease!

By cheddar - 20/07/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 2 642

Downward spiral

By 1)rooping 1=lower - 25/08/2023 22:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband raised the bar. He sold our former marital home and put the money into a college fund for MY nieces. Now he looks great to my family, he already has a new place to live (thanks to his rich parents), and I’m stuck living with a college friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 221

Get out

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 10:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 3 718

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

By Casey - 18/03/2021 11:01

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 121

Same

By Venezuelan - 06/05/2022 08:00

Today, a classmate wished me a “Happy Cinco De Mayo” and bought me a Mexican sombrero to wear, and little paper Mexican flags to wave around. I’m Venezuelan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 140

By SingleStrongArm - 03/05/2013 05:16 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 718

You deserved it 9 773

By medosin - 21/05/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 354

You deserved it 4 594

I'm new to this, sorry

By Fifi - 01/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 457

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 23:20 - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 114

You deserved it 2 550

Clumsy

By evilwater - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 8 502

By suckstobeme - 16/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 157

You deserved it 8 809

By Great. - 18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 026

You deserved it 5 350

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 16:09 - Netherlands

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 207

You deserved it 3 970

By kazmatazz - 17/05/2012 10:33 - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 553

You deserved it 9 117

Show off

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I had a test in orchestra class, which I'd practiced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how long I'd practiced. Trying to show off, I said, "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said, "It shows; that was terrible." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 958

You deserved it 59 223

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I was in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 2 887

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The Top

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 535

You deserved it 2 910

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 41 745

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 650

You deserved it 4 380

Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 177

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 145

Today, I bought a Plan B at CVS. I always use my parents' phone number for reward points. Turns out my mom is enrolled in digital receipts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 453