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to 18- I'm the op... I didn't realize I hadn't been signed in when I posted. Basically, I have had the same.insurance for years and been using it for the same birth control for at least 5. I'm not sure what happened... Some clerical error I guess. I had it figured out but it was definitely weird.

Unprofessional

By WhoDunIt - 14/01/2023 10:00

Today, I had a job interview for the perfect job. My phone rang in my pocket. I’d forgotten to silence it. The worst part? The ringtone was a guy saying “Pussy!” on a continuous loop. The interviewer chewed me out for being “unprofessional” and kicked me out. I have no idea who set that ringtone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 1 216

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 542

You deserved it 4 777

By luciaspiano - 05/02/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 317

You deserved it 3 075

Dirty talk

By Noname - 02/01/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 38 612

Lingering smells

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 514

You deserved it 2 297

By noname - 29/12/2008 06:09 - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 116

You deserved it 3 230

It's not what you think

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 929

You deserved it 11 798

I can fix him

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 08:00 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, my daughter must be punishing me for something. She's dating a boy who dropped out of high school to “escape the system” and yet loves collecting unemployment benefits, and refuses to read books because he hates not knowing what the characters really look like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 170

Sussy

By Idek - 30/01/2015 16:27 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 3 126

By Ixiion - 09/10/2013 17:26 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 577

You deserved it 7 072

Ixiion_fml tells us more.

Ixiion_fml 13

Wednesday 9 October 2013 22:29

OP here. Just to clear something up: The shower head is new. It was put in two weeks before my leg ended up in a cast. So I hadn't bothered to fiddle with it before, thus why I didn't know that it had that option. And I've been whining about it for 4 months, and he just now decided to tell me. Ah, love my brother. And to someone who said to give him a break, I am. I just glared at him for 10 minutes before letting it go.

Memorable presentation

By paul - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had a big meeting. Halfway through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-workers, but I didn't understand what they meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, and he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 575

You deserved it 4 883

By startingover - 18/07/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 368

You deserved it 3 604

What the hell?

By Anonymous - 02/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 97

By SoSoRachel - 31/10/2012 21:03 - United States - Dunlap

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 403

You deserved it 1 901

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 10 529

Yeah, that's the same

By Iabnysmwytm - 29/07/2020 14:01

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some doofus tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 769

Belly bounce

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 523

By CreamGravy - 06/10/2013 13:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 067

You deserved it 30 523

CreamGravy tells us more.

CreamGravy 36

Monday 7 October 2013 1:01

Well to be honest I made the whole thing up because I got tired of being that one guy at work who can't get a girlfriend. It's a small place, there are only 8 of us who work there, and I'm the only one that's single, so I get jokes about it quite a lot. They're nothing bad, I know it's all in fun, but yesterday someone made yet another joke about it and for some reason I just blurted out that I had a date tonight. As soon as I did I figured might as well go with the story, so when I got questioned about it I made up a fake name and description for the girl as well. The best part is that I told everyone I was taking her to this really fancy and expensive restaurant, so when they saw me at McDonalds it was ironic actually. Luckily for me today is a holiday, but I have a feeling tomorrow the mocking is going to be worse than ever. I voted YDI by the way.

By Mervin22 - 29/01/2011 04:10 - Australia

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 383

You deserved it 4 468