The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 3 729

Thanks, iHate it

By muggle68 - 10/12/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 474

You deserved it 8 549

Next time, lie

By dr.fml - 09/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Sutton

Today, I was in a Zoom meeting for a very important lab I work in. My lab director, who is writing me a letter of recommendation for medical school, commented on a painting I had in the background. "Oh, what is that? It looks nice." My reply? "A bong." I got a professionalism email right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 428

By Sammylad - 07/09/2011 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 933

You deserved it 15 381

Badass

By I’m stressed - 22/12/2020 17:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, someone tried to open the stall I was in, and I instinctively screamed. I was yelled at and called, "incredibly rude and disrespectful." The lady then waited for me to come out so she could, "kick my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 110

By arw - 25/07/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 921

You deserved it 2 006

By ditzen - 07/12/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 4 483

Go to school!

By emilee - 19/03/2022 14:00

Today, I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well, to which his response was to interrupt me and say, “Nope. Not buying it.” I have never faked an illness in my life, and this time I vomited in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 110

By disconnected - 23/09/2014 20:19 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 3 465

By Samipearl - 12/11/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 6 415

By IdiotNursingStudent - 22/09/2014 02:12 - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 652

You deserved it 14 545

By khaelian - 11/11/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 4 091

Numb

By A.J. - 13/04/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 177

Extreme Masterchef

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 12:00

Today, after an argument a month ago, my husband has refused to do any cooking since. After a month without his food, I’ve realised at this point in our marriage his cooking is literally the only thing about him I like anymore. I think I want a divorce. Over food. What an end to a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 532

The truth

By unfortunate - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 490

You deserved it 3 247

Take it or leave it

By compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Sayre

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 976

You deserved it 3 123

By poop - 18/05/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 651

You deserved it 19 538

OCD FML

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 08:57 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 875

You deserved it 9 492

Who's fault is that?

By junie b - 03/03/2022 22:00

Today, I failed my driving test. Why? Before I even began driving, someone hit my car while it was still parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 83

Expensive hobby

By Anonymous - 12/06/2023 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom found my anime drawings and tore them up because she “didn’t raise some filthy porn artist.” I admit the pictures were kind of porny, but I’m an artist and those images were done to my customer's very specific description. My mom just cost me weeks of detailed drawing and £2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 386

By trisha - 16/07/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 659

You deserved it 7 532

By dck128 - 29/08/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 647

You deserved it 3 093

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 00:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 298

I'm innocent!

By DavidJ - 16/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 574

You deserved it 67 723

Antisocial personality disorder

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart where all the aisles had been moved. An elderly woman asked me where the pet products were, so I told her that I didn't know, but showed her where they could be. An hour later, she came back with security. She'd told them I'd purposefully gotten her lost. They threw me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 705

You deserved it 3 406

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, not long after having had my college volleyball scholarship confirmed, I broke my ankle after stepping on and tripping over a toy my baby sister had left out. No scholarship and no college whatsoever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 758

You deserved it 3 024

scooterr14 tells us more.

scooterr14 5

Saturday 27 August 2011 8:52

im OP.and the break was bad enough that the scholarship was revoked. im not gonna be able to play volleyball for a few years due to ligament damage. im an outside hitter and i wont be able to jump. i could switch to libero but i wouldnt even manage to red shirt. my grades are not high enough for academic entrance

By eggmarie - 10/07/2012 16:12 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 4 030

eggmarie tells us more.

eggmarie 25

Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:12

Going to answer major questions here: I'm a college kid. I live alone and have a small fridge. I shop at Walmart with coupons and that's how I managed to fill my fridge on $100. I have AEP and the power was on for a bit before it went back off (not enough time for the fridge to get cold again) so I assumed I was okay. Apparently it was a "test run" I borrowed coolers from family and got some ice. I just moved here a few weeks ago and haven't met many new people so I'm stuck at my house. Thank you for the well wishes and crossing my fingers that it's back sooner than anticipated!

By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 558

You deserved it 3 947

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The Top

The Top

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 021

You deserved it 6 335

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 6 881

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 556

You deserved it 9 274

Today, my friend wasn't responding to my whispers in the library, so I walked over and very slightly moved his chair. At that exact moment, the librarian walked in. Regardless of our efforts to tell her anything, she got us banned from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 321

Today, my sister-in-law had the nerve to hijack my baby shower to announce her pregnancy. It's all the more infuriating because we later found out that she's NOT pregnant, just a fucking attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 97

Today, my husband wants me to have a career and earn well, but he also wants me to have a spotless home with two young children. So I need to drop and pick up kids, cook, clean, wash, mop, and fold, all while also doing my best demanding minimum 8-hour a day technical job. He doesn't understand why that's difficult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 101