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By Hmm - 06/06/2017 16:19

Today, I gave a coworker a lift to the next town over town catch a train. When I picked him up, he was wasted, and halfway there he asked me to pull over so he could puke. He managed not to blow chunks, but crapped his pants in the process. He left a stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 073

You deserved it 514

Dr.Pickles tells us more.

Dr.Pickles 10

Sunday 4 June 2017 22:40

OP here, i did finally get the stain removed!! I think I went through 7 layers of shock when this all happened , but I couldn't kick him out of the truck. He was on his way to his mom's funeral. Thankfully I will leave that job before he returns from his travels. No awkward moments here, and I'll definitely be avoiding his calls. It definitely made me question doing so much for others but I'd do it again.

Stuck in a rut

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 1 788

By Horror_girl - 07/01/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I found out that my crippling sciatica is caused by my 32M size breasts on my petite frame. The same breasts that I've been begging doctors to reduce for nearly 10 years. They deny it's a "real problem" and I can't afford a private operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 357

You deserved it 328

By Catnip - 30/06/2016 23:42 - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, "Wow, so beautiful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 270

You deserved it 3 317

By Mimo - 23/06/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 662

You deserved it 2 037

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 274

By jimmy_morton - 26/01/2016 18:20 - United States

Today, my dad told my girlfriend that she's the son he never had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 845

You deserved it 2 262

célinelisie tells us more.

célinelisie 14

Thursday 28 January 2016 17:10

Hey it's the op, My dad loves to embarrass me and challenge my manhood because I'm his only son of 6 kids. He's done this all my life. He used to yell at me on the field during my football games calling me a pussy. He even told my senior drill instructor at my basic combat training graduation ceremony that he hoped my drill sergeant put hit foot up my ass every day that I was there. No I'm not gay. My dad just likes to mess with me. I've gotten used to it and I actually find it funny now.

Creepy

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 16:54 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 690

You deserved it 1 813

By badpigeon - 24/02/2017 18:35 - France - Le Mans

Today, I was on my motorbike, riding through town, when a bird collided with my crash helmet. I lost my balance, and fell. As a result: a leg, a rib and a wrist of mine were broken. The EMT guy helpfully reassured me that the pigeon was A-OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 525

You deserved it 595

What the…?

By hitlerfish - 14/03/2017 22:00

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 041

You deserved it 461

Creepy creep alert. Run!

By LeaveMeAlone - 06/04/2017 04:00

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 668

You deserved it 323

Totally? Really?

By honk honk, fuckwad - 06/11/2015 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 982

You deserved it 6 014

By no - 08/12/2016 14:37 - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 973

Petty

By merchgirl - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 156

You deserved it 1 157

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 975

You deserved it 8 212

How could you?

By damnitsam - 06/08/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 393

You deserved it 426

Cat Burglar!

By Aimee Lutz - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 1 349

By brerj09 - 27/07/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 199

You deserved it 1 737

brerj09 tells us more.

brerj09 13

Wednesday 27 July 2016 21:11

Ok so I feel like I need to clarify a few things. I'm 21 and my husband is 27. We have been married less than a year. He has gone to the doctor about this before. His testosterone levels are within the normal range but just barely. He doesn't have ED. And it's not that I'm bad in bed... He has a very low sex drive. I have a normal sex drive. If he had his way we'd have sex like once a month. I'm not happy with that. Things were getting better but then he dropped this bomb on me last night. He isn't interesting in having sex and he's doesn't want to do anything to change that. And I'm abnormal because I want to have sex. We are going to be seeing a marriage counselor....