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Hott

By hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 948

You deserved it 4 514

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 11:44

Today, I found out my new husband is actually an illegal immigrant using me for citizenship, and is now forcing me to house his parents, 5 siblings, and 3 grandparents who are now able to pass through immigration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 640

You deserved it 2 134

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 400

You deserved it 4 849

Awks…

By dotcomboy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "Douchebag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 210

You deserved it 80 187

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 463

You deserved it 3 251

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 1 696

So romantic

By Upbrakie - 12/01/2010 13:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend, and I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much windshield wiper blades cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 712

You deserved it 3 386

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 859

You deserved it 30 130

By Devotedmom - 10/01/2016 09:07 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 088

You deserved it 3 131

By facepalm - 28/12/2009 10:35 - Singapore

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 12 944

How romantic, Honey!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 3 774

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 460

You deserved it 4 510

By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 846

You deserved it 57 078

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them, and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 151

You deserved it 7 814

By smh - 03/11/2015 20:04 - United States - Beulah

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 445

You deserved it 3 032

By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 3 995

It's PC gone mad

By Anonymous - 02/08/2011 00:59 - United States

Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 027

You deserved it 3 693

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Spicy

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 401

You deserved it 23 395

By Yeppets - 28/05/2014 04:13 - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 916

You deserved it 5 946

By IceWrath - 16/08/2015 08:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 148

You deserved it 2 425

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 038

You deserved it 3 191

Exhaustion

By Shell - 05/03/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 428

You deserved it 4 426

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 161

You deserved it 23 292

By WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 9 747

By nolove - 14/11/2012 10:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 633

You deserved it 3 677

By Calluna - 08/03/2016 15:26 - United States - Somerville

Today, I filed a client's tax return. His refunds alone were more than my gross annual salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 335

You deserved it 1 735

Calluna tells us more.

Calluna 1

Wednesday 9 March 2016 19:03

OP here. To clarify, I'm the secretary and the official number was over 7 times my salary. The client's case was indeed unique and not a regular event, but it didn't make me feel any better...especially considering that I can't afford my own apartment here in good old New Jersey.

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 807

You deserved it 3 488

By UniGrad2019 - 26/01/2016 04:54 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 863

You deserved it 2 010

By scot - 02/09/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 14 014

By freeachickadee - 10/10/2014 03:32 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I found out that I am "un-promotable" to the job that I have been promised for the last two years because, I "don't suffer idiots well." Idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 866

You deserved it 3 788

freeachickadee tells us more.

freeachickadee 7

Saturday 11 October 2014 2:13

OP Here. I don't suffer idiots well means that I don't tolerate or deal with idiots well. Which is utter crap. It is an excuse to get out of giving me the promotion they've been promising me for years. Now they have an alternate (totally unqualified candidate) so they are passing me over. FML. Onto bigger and better things I guess.

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The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 085

You deserved it 5 189

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 400

You deserved it 4 151

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 235

You deserved it 4 365

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 347

You deserved it 7 332

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 205

Today, I felt so lonely that I went on an online chat website and pretended to be a girl just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 407