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By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 611

You deserved it 25 153

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 02:39 - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 5 546

No match for the overwhelming force

By biotch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 302

You deserved it 6 551

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 3 671

I'm a loser, baby

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 684

You deserved it 10 040

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 15:30 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 5 272

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 236

You deserved it 4 885

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 18:14 - Canada

Today, my sister was playing a rock star in a play. When she got home, she told me she used one of my old guitars, because I told her it was ok. I said she could take one to practice on, not destroy on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 186

You deserved it 4 057

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 742

You deserved it 4 412

Needs

By Kelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 560

You deserved it 3 449

By please stop singing!!!! - 21/03/2014 23:59 - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 356

You deserved it 4 149

Ouch

By leaannec30 - 10/07/2016 18:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 763

You deserved it 11 980

Facebook drama

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 5 754

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 757

You deserved it 3 536

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 665

You deserved it 2 579

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 6 590

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 299

You deserved it 3 538

By InDebt - 04/02/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 510

You deserved it 1 970

Dude, what are you doing?

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 705

You deserved it 30 272

By poopexperttt - 07/09/2012 07:12 - United States

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 583

You deserved it 2 457

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 108

You deserved it 3 067

Too late

By fuzzle003 - 13/06/2012 12:47 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 4 147

By jessinono - 17/05/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 5 554

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 474

You deserved it 7 619

Anything counts

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my university informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 773

You deserved it 4 490

Shine on

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 684

You deserved it 40 902

Queasy

By photofaint - 23/02/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 314

You deserved it 3 649

By D.J. - 25/01/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 914

You deserved it 6 534

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 145

You deserved it 4 291

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 3 024

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 118

You deserved it 6 264

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 754

You deserved it 6 241

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 273

You deserved it 3 085

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 547

You deserved it 414

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel two hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 720

You deserved it 211

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 241