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By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 17:33 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 300

You deserved it 4 302

By Jim - 19/04/2016 17:25 - United States

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 414

You deserved it 4 212

By gumchuck - 05/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 16 331

Sorry, I…

By mel - 18/01/2011 07:05 - United States

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 984

You deserved it 8 338

By tramplily - 17/11/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, I was driving home and got a phone call from my mom. She called to tell me that there was a cop at the bottom of our hill, and to be careful. I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 637

You deserved it 30 545

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 611

You deserved it 4 667

By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 418

You deserved it 3 061

By pardon my English :$ - 09/08/2013 22:53 - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 563

You deserved it 3 590

By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 889

You deserved it 945

By coeurdlucky - 19/10/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 226

You deserved it 3 581

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 726

You deserved it 6 653

By phoenixditch - 23/05/2013 07:13 - United States - Burke

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 925

You deserved it 5 623

By TJRoy - 29/04/2015 06:37 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 757

You deserved it 2 241

TJRoy tells us more.

TJRoy 44

Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:34

He is Croatian, and he was sober. He 100% believes it's true and has said it on several occasions.

By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 296

You deserved it 7 022

Interference

By mommycooks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 922

You deserved it 1 933

By fd - 16/01/2009 13:36 - United States

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 558

You deserved it 38 448

By Sprinkles - 04/02/2015 07:44 - Australia

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 926

You deserved it 2 736

By bowhuntpa - 16/07/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 134

You deserved it 4 109

Flustered

By Tygastyle - 23/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 63 368

By ItGirl - 09/11/2014 02:36 - Sweden - Eskilstuna

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 553

You deserved it 3 370

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 14:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 12 405

Dude, WTF is this?

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 20:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 2 025

By Aether - 03/06/2014 22:51 - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 593

You deserved it 4 776

Suspect

By worldsbestjobgonebad - 19/10/2009 06:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 085

You deserved it 4 153

By Goldar - 10/04/2013 02:44 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 952

You deserved it 20 358

By Anonymous - 04/02/2012 02:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 11 896

By pizzafaceinc - 02/03/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 3 055

Denial

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:02 - Norway

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 815

You deserved it 3 924

By GROSS - 07/03/2015 15:58 - Bangladesh

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 590

You deserved it 2 543

Moving day

By dantheman - 24/07/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 386

You deserved it 2 825

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The Top

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 877

You deserved it 4 316

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 103

You deserved it 7 542

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 744

You deserved it 3 893

Today, I found out my 10 year-old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including a £600 guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 134

You deserved it 2 939

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 276

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 109