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On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 32 646

By sakurabunny - 16/05/2011 14:53

Today, our cable, internet, and home phone got shut off because my mother-in-law decided that since we are moving, it was easier to not pay the bill rather than close the account. We're not moving for another month and the account was under my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 103

You deserved it 6 690

sakurabunny tells us more.

sakurabunny 0

Monday 16 May 2011 20:21

For the record: I gave her money to pay the bill since she works right next door to the company and i never got the notice's since she's the one who always gets the mail since my husband and I work full time and go to school full time. and before anyone asks what she did with the money, she used it to help pay the deposit on the condo she just moved into...AGAIN FML!!

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 695

You deserved it 10 132

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 22:38 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 3 323

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 21:49 - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 822

You deserved it 5 193

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 5 374

By annony-moose - 06/02/2010 18:48 - France

Today, I was feeling hungry, so I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. I found hundreds of weevils festering in my Lucky Charms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 4 315

By james - 14/12/2008 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 143

You deserved it 6 876

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 21:40 - United States - De Forest

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 061

You deserved it 3 772

By ahuman - 29/09/2013 05:10 - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 782

You deserved it 9 782

Oh, hello!

By unlucky - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently, his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 038

You deserved it 2 843

By bstent - 20/10/2014 19:11 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 492

You deserved it 9 829

bstent tells us more.

bstent 4

Tuesday 21 October 2014 5:27

I honestly wasn't hugging him that hard.. We had just eaten and he's really skinny, so that probably had a lot to do with it lol

By BellinaNico - 25/05/2013 04:40 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I called my fiancé just to tell him how much I love him, as a sweet gesture. He yelled at me for interrupting his video game and blamed my "neediness" on the fact that I'm menstruating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 703

You deserved it 8 315

By Anonymous - 16/09/2015 11:25 - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 470

You deserved it 2 044

By that guy - 24/05/2012 16:41 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 2 300

Name dropper

By Zak - 03/04/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said, "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said, "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 674

You deserved it 91 970

By Girl-with-the-glasses - 11/04/2012 07:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 2 876

By LesToiliettes - 25/03/2012 07:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 2 179

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 886

You deserved it 19 362

By JimiHendrix - 01/03/2013 01:55 - France - Luynes

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 7 369

By wolfie898 - 21/05/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, while trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party I met my mom trying to sneak back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 8 309

Wolfie898 tells us more.

Wolfie898 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 7:09

my mom is actually divorced

By awkward_loser69 - 14/07/2016 04:42

Today, I went into labor. I called my mother to ask her to drive me to the hospital. She wanted me to wait for her to take a nap first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 963

You deserved it 1 074

awkward_loser69 tells us more.

awkward_loser69 21

Friday 15 July 2016 21:44

OP here, to answer some questions, the father and I are married, he was just working at the time and my mom is closer to me than my SO's work so we had already planned for her to take me if this were to happen since he works long shifts. She was definitely serious about taking a nap but thank god she didn't cuz I was in full blown labor and had a few complications. Long story short, in the end my daughter had to have her stomach pumped as soon as I delivered and she wasn't breathing due to her swallowing and choking on my amniotic fluid and her meconium. She was fine after all that happened other than a fever of 104.5. So if my mom had taken a nap I'm not sure what would have happened.

By asdfjkl - 06/09/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 250

You deserved it 5 666