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By isuckatlyfe - 20/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 923

You deserved it 5 833

By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 682

You deserved it 16 487

By michellemoyah - 25/02/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 382

You deserved it 6 917

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 207

You deserved it 4 791

By changeddaily - 20/03/2011 04:52 - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 496

You deserved it 11 318

By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 886

You deserved it 5 192

By coolguy - 06/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 830

You deserved it 46 958

By cemakara3 - 12/03/2016 20:07 - Denmark - Vallensb?k

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 245

You deserved it 3 079

cemakara3 tells us more.

cemakara3 11

Sunday 13 March 2016 20:05

Hey OP here. I showed my gf some of the comments on here and she is not mad anymore. Thanks!!

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 28 662

By Pissed - 15/10/2012 19:57 - United States - Newton Center

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 2 534

By sneeuwbal - 25/12/2014 18:36 - Belgium - Dilbeek

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 979

You deserved it 3 212

By SmellyCloset - 05/10/2014 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 718

You deserved it 4 946

By FitnessFirst - 25/11/2015 00:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 3 284

By nomomsonfacebook - 24/06/2013 00:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 802

You deserved it 3 332

nomomsonfacebook tells us more.

nomomsonfacebook 3

Tuesday 25 June 2013 2:11

Hi all, I'm the OP. I didn't have an account when I posted this so I created one to respond to some comments. First off, my roommate is my friend from college. We both go to grad school at the same school so we moved in together after graduation. I had never met her mom before we moved in & only accepted her facebook friendship a few months ago because she wanted me to help her plan a birthday surprise for her daughter. I quickly realized she really did it to spy on her daughter/me when she posted things like "where are you guys?" "what are you up to tonight?" "where was this pic taken?" literally multiple time a day. At first I thought it was funny but it became increasingly worrying recently until I decided I felt too uncomfortable & unfriended her. Within five hours she was wailing in my kitchen about how horrible I am & trying to pack my roommate's things to move her out. My roommate was mortified & told her she was being irrational & she left in a huff & hasn't spoken to her daughter since. Thanks for all the funny posts, made the situation much lighter. Now I'm just glad my mom doesn't have facebook!

Insult to adultery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 188

You deserved it 7 742

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 190

You deserved it 8 238

By sanoria51 - 26/04/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 660

You deserved it 8 776

By poorman - 09/10/2009 23:22 - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 371

You deserved it 3 323

Odd

By StupidPets - 24/08/2016 03:09 - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 280

You deserved it 1 432

Alexa, play "Family Snapshot" by Peter Gabriel

By totalloss - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 812

You deserved it 2 239

By cumbucket cops - 16/03/2014 17:53 - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 585

You deserved it 7 095

By helen - 10/05/2011 03:44

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 499

You deserved it 26 780

By r1has - 29/06/2016 20:01 - Pakistan - Rawalpindi

Today, due to summer Ramadan, we have 16 hour long fasts. Normally this is okay, except today I managed to sleep through both suhoor and iftaar. I haven't eaten for 36 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 466

You deserved it 3 801

r1has tells us more.

r1has 28

Thursday 30 June 2016 10:46

For everyone telling me to break my fast, had it actually been a problem and had I actually been sick, I would have broken it. But since I'm on summer vacation, I fell asleep, making it a lot easier to deal with. So while I was really hungry, it wasn't a health risk. I checked. God doesn't want you to kill yourself, just feel the pain of the poor and needy. And #3 pregnant women, menstruating women, nursing mothers, old people, sick people, kids e.t.c aren't supposed to fast. They can either make them up later or give in charity, if they are able to. If they aren't then no big deal. Plus puking, bleeding or fainting automatically breaks your fast, so even if I had gotten dizzy, I would have broken it. It was just kind of a miserable day because I get kinda pissy when I'm hungry, and I was snapping right and left. Thankfully my family understood, and made sure I woke up and had food the next day