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By anonymous - 19/07/2012 23:56 - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 803

You deserved it 41 790

Well played

By stepshart - 21/08/2014 19:30 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 169

You deserved it 3 087

By mystery - 17/06/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 777

You deserved it 2 397

PR campaign ideas

By Nick - 27/07/2011 17:32 - Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 731

You deserved it 4 720

By wait..what - 22/09/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 757

You deserved it 3 452

By SexyQueen0905 - 17/05/2011 13:05

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 12 049

By McChunky =( - 09/03/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 078

You deserved it 9 188

Pianissimo

By Anonymous - 20/06/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly, I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 978

You deserved it 4 394

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 50 593

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 741

You deserved it 5 767

By rain1 - 06/01/2014 02:54 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 110

You deserved it 4 360

Three's company

By emkatch - 21/07/2009 19:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 899

You deserved it 4 377

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 18:34 - United States - Erie

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 3 418

By prettylady? - 28/10/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 149

You deserved it 2 865

One way or another

By embarrassed - 08/10/2012 09:12 - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 022

You deserved it 6 145

Cheeky

By Stumble - 17/01/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 355

You deserved it 27 701

By thewrittenrebel - 28/10/2014 07:40 - South Africa - Bellville

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 387

You deserved it 5 899

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 4 871

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 392

You deserved it 8 548

By ashley - 30/04/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 275

You deserved it 28 601

Next time? Never!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 20:06 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my nineteen year-old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said, "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 411

You deserved it 16 538

By Lady_Gunslinger9 - 11/08/2015 21:38 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 292

You deserved it 2 730

Lady_Gunslinger9 tells us more.

Lady_Gunslinger9 7

Thursday 13 August 2015 11:41

Hey guys I'm the OP, just thought I'd make an account and give you all some extra information. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, he knew about both of these and he could tell I wasn't feeling okay so he asked me what was wrong, I tried to convince him it was nothing because I don't feel comfortable opening up to people because of things that have happened in my past. When he eventually convinced me I wasn't going to lose him if I opened up, I took a risk. I told him some things that were worrying me and no it's nothing crazy or weird (although the murder comments did cheer me up a little). The conversation led to talking about our relationship and that's when he ended it. I'm better off without him because anyone who cant deal with me telling them small things that everyone goes through certainly couldn't handle something big if it ever happened. I am sad it ended but I know its probably for the best

By justjust - 28/03/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 908

You deserved it 11 363

By Raela - 04/01/2013 16:59 - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 7 622

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 7 507

Thanks, lady

By ronniewciv - 30/12/2010 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 598

You deserved it 3 775

Yay…

By ribbonsundone - 06/01/2010 10:07 - United States

Today, I treated my friends to lunch at a posh restaurant because it's my birthday. While we were walking leisurely around the mall afterwards, their boyfriends showed up. I spent the next few hours walking alone behind them while they were walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 327

You deserved it 4 596

By openended - 21/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 19 431

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 00:00 - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek

Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 563

You deserved it 25 293

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 4 891

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The Top

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 221

You deserved it 4 010

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 679

You deserved it 9 480

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 508

You deserved it 3 579

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 094

You deserved it 8 028

Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 98

Today, driving for a food delivery app, I had a perfectly stacked order: drinks secure, food hot, great timing. I hit the brakes too hard at a light and watched in horror as one soda tipped, leaked and soaked the bottom of the bag. I delivered a soggy lukewarm meal, and an apologetic explanation. The customer said “It’s OK” in a tone that meant it’s absolutely not OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 218