The Top

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because her father, who abandoned her before she was born and just reentered her life, doesn't approve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 566

You deserved it 2 440

Cheating cheater

By anahira6 - 27/09/2013 19:41 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 730

You deserved it 3 037

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 672

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 41 219

By dramaqueen - 14/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 060

You deserved it 31 574

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 23:33 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 224

You deserved it 6 052

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 3 256

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 13 888

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 730

You deserved it 17 091

Hustlin' 24/7

By Catherine - 23/05/2011 19:33 - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 3 220

By aprilmay91 - 11/03/2012 12:38 - United States

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 954

You deserved it 4 020

aprilmay91 tells us more.

aprilmay91 0

Monday 12 March 2012 13:30

We have a step stool but it broken and the last time I used it i fell and twisted my ankle and bruised my arm.

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 43 285

Bored out of our minds

By Maxx - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 835

You deserved it 22 729

By stillshakinggd - 28/11/2012 21:16 - United States

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 2 725

By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 795

You deserved it 27 506

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 016

You deserved it 8 399

By With_Love929 - 29/10/2012 21:45 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 2 804

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 3 116

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 408

You deserved it 4 116

By Michelle - 15/08/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 223

You deserved it 23 211

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 21:44 - Canada

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year-old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 987

You deserved it 41 839

1, 2, 3… FIRE!

By Username - 11/08/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 001

You deserved it 15 267

Cast the first stone

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 695

You deserved it 3 459

Trans rights! (but also trans wrongs)

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bargoed

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 1 971

By steph - 20/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 587

You deserved it 69 156

Take the hint

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 109

You deserved it 5 735

By offendedfemme - 26/08/2009 02:16 - United States

Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 932

You deserved it 6 495

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 00:41 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 588

You deserved it 2 030

By Keith walk - 12/02/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 325

You deserved it 22 963

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 32 365

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The Top

Today, I'm ready to quit my job, because every time I've asked for a raise, it's gotten brushed over, every time there's a change in the schedule, I cover my lazy coworkers' jobs for them. My boss doesn't see anything wrong with this, so I'm actively looking for a new job, it's time to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 149

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend's dad by showing off my "impressive" knowledge of cars. When he mentioned she had a problem with her engine, I jokingly told him it was probably the “flux capacitor” that needed adjusting. He stared at me blankly and said, “You know that’s from Back to the Future, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 574

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 15 164

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 726

You deserved it 3 210

Today, I told my parents I wanted to try modelling. I thought that since I have such a low self-esteem, that it might benefit me, and make me feel better about myself and how I look. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "What? Why? You're ugly." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 7 507

Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 102