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Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 336

You deserved it 27 457

By ohyesIfeelspecial - 18/05/2012 16:05 - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 476

By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 4 822

By shinee - 15/08/2010 16:05 - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 425

You deserved it 3 639

By TuralSucks - 11/03/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 271 584

You deserved it 17 984

By weirdedout - 24/05/2010 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 688

You deserved it 5 253

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 210

You deserved it 36 681

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 05:59 - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 475

You deserved it 6 083

Time to run

By friendlessatwork - 02/10/2012 18:27 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 867

You deserved it 3 728

By Ed - 05/12/2010 13:53 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 674

You deserved it 11 087

By beep_guacamole - 24/05/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 357

You deserved it 4 633

By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 729

You deserved it 6 837

Save the doggo

By JC - 19/10/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 382

You deserved it 5 967

By Frosty - 06/04/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, while at work at Wendy's, a lady came through the drive-thru with her kid. As I was handing them their order, her child points to me and exclaims "mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to work at places like this when you get older". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 773

You deserved it 9 856

r_frost20 tells us more.

r_frost20 0

Monday 6 April 2009 21:15

I posted this comment yesterday as frosty. I just thought I'd clear up a few things for the repliers. Yes, I agree the job is lame. I'm a co-manager, though, and it pays well for what it is. I made 38000 dollars last year I'm only 22. I've worked there since I was 15. Way too long. I am a college student. I attend the Savannah College of Art and Design, which is quite a prestigious art school. I'm an animation/sound design major (Dual major). My current GPA is a 3.55 I have a full scholarship since my high school academics were pretty good. I posted this because even I thought it was hilarious.

By Broke - 27/07/2016 16:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 019

You deserved it 2 338

Dozing off

By Math_Rocker - 02/09/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter, followed by embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 35 166

By ohlordhelpmenow - 15/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 522

You deserved it 2 702

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 548

You deserved it 4 292

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 13 984

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 16:32 - Senegal

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 724

You deserved it 11 767

By mylifereallysuks - 08/11/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 838

You deserved it 62 147

Mr Loverman

By thathurt - 29/03/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a Scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked, "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 30 160

By benoit - 15/03/2013 12:35 - France

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 105

You deserved it 33 763

Curious cat

By brittaneejanex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 279

You deserved it 4 788

By Urinal Fresh - 02/03/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 209

You deserved it 4 379

By honeybunny90 - 28/12/2013 08:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 529

You deserved it 5 891

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 943

You deserved it 5 874

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 114

You deserved it 6 011

By slenderman908 - 10/12/2012 11:41 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 437

You deserved it 2 026

Great job!

By spleechick - 28/01/2010 02:41 - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 341

You deserved it 24 674

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The Top

The Top

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 4 583

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 028

You deserved it 5 477

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 2 843

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriend's lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said, "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 008

You deserved it 4 901

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 774

You deserved it 3 637

Today, after being in the hospital for two days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 751

You deserved it 2 598