The Top

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Green fingers

By Pauline - 26/10/2024 03:00 - Canada

Today, three weeks after I finally tried my hand at gardening by planting a bunch of herbs and was so proud of my work, I found out that I had actually been watering weeds this whole time. My herbs were actually the things I was trying to eliminate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 449

Falling at the first hurdle

By Anonymous - 29/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to a job interview super early and giddy with enthusiasm. While waiting in the lobby, I struck up a friendly conversation with a bloke who was also waiting around in a suit. I jokingly told him, “Good luck mate, but I’m getting this job.” Turns out he was the hiring manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 573

The Child Catcher

By Not a child hater - 31/10/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to chase down and tackle a boy (around 11 or 12) at my workplace after I caught him snatching someone's wallet and trying to quickly sneak out with it. Now everyone thinks I have something against children, even after I returned the stranger's wallet and explained that the little brat is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 75

It's probably for the best

By Thanks, Zuck - 02/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, thanks to a tip from a friend, I discovered that my Facebook account had been hacked. Again. Only this time, it won't let me recover my account because it doesn't "know" it's me. They're also not giving me any options to prove that I am… me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 114

Magic!

By Floppy arm - 08/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my nephew asked if I wanted to see a magic trick. I humored him and let him give it a go. He covered my phone with a blanket, counted to three, and revealed that it had "disappeared." The little genius had dropped it into a fish tank while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 90

FML Approved, Video #5

By Louis - 21/03/2017 23:18

A hole in one, in one.

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 242

Have fun!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch my husband and kids go off on our trip to Hawaii without me because I forgot my wallet at home and couldn't afford to take a later flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 433

Extreme disorderly conduct

By Anonymous - 13/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 571

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 204

Dating hell

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 14:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy. We went back to his place, and after getting it on, he rolled onto his back and told me, "You can put that on your Bumble profile, you got a good dicking" then helicoptered his dick around, thinking it was sexy. I missed the last train, so I walked home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 721

Stain influencer

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a cool selfie with my coffee mug for Instagram. As I posed, I didn’t realize the mug was tilted, and I poured hot coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 717

Wandering soul

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went on a scenic hike to clear my head and ended up lost for two hours. When I finally found my way back, I noticed the trail signs had big, bright arrows. How did I miss those? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 402

Assumptions

By Ugh - 20/06/2026 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I was teaching when I saw a student leave her chair and brazenly head for the door. I clapped her on the shoulder and said, "Going somewhere, miss?" She vomited all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 787

By girlw/ablog - 02/07/2019 18:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 143

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 14:00 - Germany

Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 180

Muffled

By Anonymous - 25/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was driving to get groceries when my muffler fell off. I need to get it fixed or else I’ll lose my job, and my job is far away from where I live. If I take an Uber or anything, it will be taking most of my paycheck. Man, FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 69

Sudden dip

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 22:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 340

Controlling

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 129

Shite day

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 10:00 - Pakistan - Gujranwala

Today, while coming home from school on my bike, I lost control of it, and went straight into a light pole. Thankfully I was at a very low speed. After that, someone splashed puddle of water at me with their car. After getting to home, I went to take a bath during which the shampoo went into my left eye. It's still hurting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 158

Classic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I walked a good 5 minutes across campus, through a few large hallways and up some stairs, with about foot of toilet paper hanging out of my pants before somebody pointed it out to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 117

Move!

By Kevin - 29/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in traffic and angrily honked at the car in front of me. Then I realized it was a hearse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 671

No time to lose

By Atma - 02/07/2023 03:00

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 236

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, a friend temporarily staying at my house with his cats scared one of them into my basement, where the cat then climbed up within the walls to somewhere on the second floor. He then left as he was on a deadline to get to TN by a specific time. He told me I could keep his cat, who is stuck somewhere in a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 65

Drunken ramblings

By VHgolf1989 - 30/03/2022 12:00

Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 120

Way to miss the point

By Anonymous - 02/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I apologized to my mother-in-law for not wanting to be around the family babies while I am struggling with infertility. She responded that that was OK but that I should still really meet my baby nephew, because, "He is the most precious baby ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 178

Send nudes

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 23:01 - Panama - Cuba

Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 349

New neighbors

By Jules - 06/07/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, I got up, curtains still closed, and in the dim light noticed something dark on the floor, which wasn’t there yesterday. I turned on the light to find out what it was. A tiny ant hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 130

So cute!

By pushover - 13/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a pet store "just to look." Thirty minutes later, I walked out with a hamster, a cage, toys, treats, and absolutely no idea how I'll explain this to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 471

Today's mystery item

By Curious George - 19/07/2026 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an old USB drive and spent an hour trying to open it because I was sure it had important files on it. It contained one blurry photo of my thumb and a Word doc titled “Do not open", which was actually blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 262

Meritocracy ain't shit

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Henrico

Today, I was a manager of a store for 12 years and I'd had an agreement with the owner that I was to be signed over as full manager until I could buy the store… and then he goes to sell it to a kid I'd fired. I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 73

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The Top

Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because he’d been rolling in mud. I returned to find him totally shaved, save his head and tail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 87

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 856

You deserved it 1 398

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 060

You deserved it 3 386

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 5 981

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 406

You deserved it 334

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 416

You deserved it 345