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Pet Store Madness

By I Heart My Cats and Dogs - 16/09/2019 22:01

Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 539

Dancing Queen

By now what? - 09/05/2021 23:59

Today, after my dad told me to sign my daughter up for expensive dance lessons as a birthday present, and she was ecstatic and very dedicated, I asked him for the payment for this month. He replied, "Oh, she wanted more than one lesson?" Now she won’t stop crying and I have no way to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 152

Unhappy birthday

By gaah! - 09/07/2022 00:00

Today, it's my birthday. My spouse got into a fight, ending a relationship with a friend. They're laying around, unable to move due to panic attacks. I'm exhausted from being dragged unwillingly into things. The birthday messages feel like a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 154

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 697

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 176

A tad jealous

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 12:00 - China - Changsha

Today, after my ex dumped me on November 18, 2024, after 11 years of friendship and just 6 months dating, spreading rumors and ruining my reputation, we’re now in the same class again. The worst part? She’s already chasing another motherfucker who looks like her old crush, right in front of me. Disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 231

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 10:00 - Canada - Garson

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He said it was because he wanted to 'do his own thing'. So gaming 24/7 like he has for the past two years of our relationship, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 223

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to get the police involved since I’ve been harassed, stalked, berated, and threatened by the wife of the man I was seeing. It doesn’t matter that I have hundreds of texts, DMs, and his dating profile that says he’s a SINGLE dad whose wife died tragically. She’s still coming after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 138

Ranting and raving

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 22:01

Today, my mom sent me a text message, asking me why I blocked her on Facebook. I didn't. She blocked me, after drinking a bottle of wine. After having a conversation telling me that I need to go to AA and detox. I didn't have anything to drink, and have been limiting alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 110

Spill the shade, throw some tea

By Anonymous - 24/11/2023 16:00 - Kuwait - Mishrif

Today, it's been months since my spouse has talked to me. I'm currently in a timezone that's almost double digits difference. Not even a "Have a good day!" Big ass fuck you I guess. Yet they're always on, then gets off shortly after I'm on Facebook Messenger. Makes sense, right? Shady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 147

Mean girls

By ToxicFriends - 26/05/2025 20:00 - Germany

Today, a mama from my daughter's class has been talking nicely with me, and we've been friends for the past year, going to the playground and library together regularly. Now, all of a sudden, she has stopped talking or going out with us for no reason. I don't know if my daughter and I are both back in school now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 88

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 16:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 830

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our manager went on a screaming tantrum because he says none of us wants to work and we make him look bad to the bosses. Yeah, the reason we’re not working is because he forgot to order our steel this week. Can’t do custom welding without the materials, boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 62

Hypochondria

By Anonymous - 30/11/2023 05:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, my left arm has been aching for three days. My stupid anxiety brain keeps thinking "Heart attack symptom," whereas in reality I know it's because I made multiple trips from the sink to the water cooler with a full kettle of water to fill it up. My arm is aching because I carried a kettle for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 186

Rulers of the world

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 18:01 - Germany

Today, my mom insists on leaving both the front and kitchen door open in case the cat comes home, no matter if it gets cold inside. Yes, the cat is that important. Yes, he also has a cat flap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 99

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 219

Out of retirement

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 12:00

Today, within a year of inheriting the family business from me so I could retire, my daughter claimed she had found a way to increase profits that was "way too complicated" for me to understand. Well today, police showed up. Whatever her method was, apparently it counts as fraud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 177

Flirtatious mood

By Anonymous - 19/06/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I sent a guy an up-skirt shot, trying to be cute and flirty. He responded with a series of increasingly more mean emojis, including the laughing eyes, the green nausea face, and finally the poop emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 377

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 04:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 135

Dipstick

By Mato Fox - 16/12/2023 20:00 - Slovakia

Today, I was driving through a crossroad on the main road. A driver from the right got road rage, as I didn't let him go first. He drove past me and started brake-checking me. After that he followed me over whole city to scream and curse at me in front of my flat. I didn't break any the laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 124

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 02:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 196

Horndog

By Kimberly - 05/09/2022 23:00

Today, my now-ex bf actually gave me the, “If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything” speech when I caught him commenting “Soooooooo sexy! I’d hit that 24/7/365” on a girl’s photo on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 264

One simple trick

By Anonymous - 02/01/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, on holiday with family, it is now abundantly clear to me that being the oldest teenager I was only brought along as free babysitter for 8 cousins, all under 10 years-old, while the adults lounge by the pool, buffet, or hotel bar. I’m exhausted. I want to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 155

Toasted

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 22:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a toast at my friend's wedding. When I said, "Everybody raise your glasses," an industrial fan went off and blew my dress over my head. Now, people won't stop talking about how my "blue granny panties" didn't match my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 203

Prank off

By I may also need a Tetanus shot - 08/07/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 82

Going great, eh?

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 04:00 - United States - San Pedro

Today, I found out that my kids hate and are actively ignoring me; my wife is bipolar and she swears she hates me too after over 20 years of marriage, and my job sucks the life out of me every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 157

Forbidden thoughts

By Everything Counts - 12/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my thoughts are filled with fantasies of pleasuring my boss under his desk, to the point where it distracts me from job duties. I take a break and wank at work, and then I return to my normal way of thinking and how much I love my wife and how happy I am. Lust really can blind someone to what is important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 605

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 10:00 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, it's one day away from my wedding and two days away from our honeymoon trip. Today is also the day that, after dodging it for two years, I got Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 132

Oh nose!

By Thatsjustmee - 07/07/2021 04:01 - Canada

Today, I was at rehearsal for a musical. I got a violent nosebleed in the middle of rehearsing and got blood all over my costume. I now owe $350 to the company for the damage I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 110

Nice recommendation, thanks!

By Anonymous - 19/01/2024 12:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I watched a movie my old teacher recommended me. She was one of my favourite teachers. I saw the title, opened it, and found out that the premise is racist towards my ethnic group. She marked me harshly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 169

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The Top

Today, my long distance boyfriend told me no more nude pictures or sexting, as he's afraid the government will steal it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 611

You deserved it 9 595

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 314

You deserved it 45 806

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 940

You deserved it 9 365

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming, "There's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 365

Today, one year after I purchased my house, I planned to have a fire pit to celebrate. It turned out to be the only rainy day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 91

Today, after I flew 16 hours across the world to see my girlfriend, on the fifth day of the holiday we broke up because she ended up telling me she "can't do distance." After all those hours of flying, we spent the last 3 days in the hotel room mostly crying, and I asked her face to face, "Why did you break me?" She left; I'm broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 104