The Top

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Word salad

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 420

Where everybody knows your name…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I feel very lost. I have been in and out of psych wards so much. It's so bad, the ER nurse knows me as "the AI coder guy" and the people in the mental health wards know me by first name, and have a "welcome back" thing each time. It's so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 152

Holiday assumptions

By Red Toad - 27/12/2020 04:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 157

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 76

I've got a lot going on

By Anonymous - 23/10/2024 09:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, I, a fucking international student who's been here for like two weeks, ditched the end of a lecture because I had to get off in the men's bathroom, after being degraded by an ex who hates me. Instead of moving up in life, I do this stupid shit because I like being treated like entertaining garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 695

Yoga to watch out

By Peelates - 12/03/2017 22:00

Today, I prepared to do my early morning yoga, lowered myself on to the mat then felt a wet patch on my stomach. Turns out my roommate's cat had taken a piss on my orange mat and I'd been too tired to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 935

You deserved it 677

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 22:00

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 223

Freak

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, my niece came to visit from out of town. It's also the day my partner tested positive for Covid. To minimize contact, I told her I would take her to the train station while he isolates. She refused. She then spent the day sitting as close to me as possible, hoping I was a carrier. She WANTED to catch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 147

Take it seriously

By Sis in crisis - 27/10/2024 03:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 151

Overruled

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Today, I told my dogs to go to their dog beds. The small dog went onto the big one’s bed. The big dog went onto my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 267

Bureaucracy

By FuckUNISA - 25/02/2022 10:00

Today, I've counted the unanswered 29 emails and 91 calls I've made to the university. The accountant at my company submitted the wrong reference number when doing the payment to the university, and now I cannot register for the course. Every time I get a response, I'm asked for info already provided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 91

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 05/06/2023 00:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, after dating a guy for weeks, it seemed that we had a lot in common; we also had great time and it started to get serious. Then out of the blue he went cold, told me that he's gonna have an operation, has 5% chance of dying so he doesn't want serious relationship, then ghosted me. He's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 153

Medical malpractice

By Anonymous - 02/11/2024 09:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 113

I'm not lovin' it

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 14:02

Today, at my new job at McDonald’s, they only had uniform pants in a size 36 or 56, nothing in between. I’m a size 40 so I squeezed into the 36. When I told my supervisor I couldn’t tuck my shirt into the pants like they asked, because I couldn’t close the top button, she told me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 209

Breaking!

By ThatLove - 12/06/2023 22:00 - Switzerland - Worb

Today, my boyfriend wanted my emotional support after his other girlfriend hit him with a phone charger when she found out he had two girlfriends. Yes folks, the open relationship thing was news for me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 133

Bullet control

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 22:00

Today, after I was shot in the hip years ago and the doctors left the bullet inside, they damn well better remove the bullet now because over the last 10 years, it's moved enough to start compressing a nerve, so now my penis is numb to all sensation, and I can’t get a boner anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 165

Let her have her fun

By WHY GRANDMA - 18/06/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 208

By ohgodwhy - 10/05/2019 12:00

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 625

Losing it

By penetreyton - 20/04/2022 18:00

Today, at work, I served a rude ass customer and his bratty ass kid, and was forced to swipe her toy debit card so it appeared as if the daughter paid for her snack. In that moment, I questioned my entire existence. Whichever company invented that toy hates cashiers everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 291

To the end

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 244

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 137

Time for a BBQ

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 13:59

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 217

Zoom will end us all

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 20:01

Today, I had a bad fight with my brother. He started screaming at me, then I hear, "Sam your mic is unmuted." The fight was about him telling my dad that I'm pansexual. I came out to my whole class and my dad. By accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 538

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 15:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend is mad at his landlady because she hasn’t followed through yet on the new front door she promised a month ago. He, on the other hand, has neither cleaned the toilet, nor washed any dishes since he moved in. Which was… a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 187

In vain

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 08:01 - Germany - Teningen

Today, I found out that I chose a wrong class and my 30-page paper worth 10 credit points that I wrote for that class is basically worthless now, and my graduation might be postponed another semester just because of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 597

Competitive

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 22:00

Today, my weightlifter husband is pouting because he is no longer able to lift the amounts he could a year ago. Meanwhile, our weightlifter son is fast approaching the weights my husband used to lift, and is being smug about it. It’s like living with two bears determined to be grumpy at each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 176

By GeeThanks - 02/05/2017 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 266

You deserved it 284

Time to get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 17/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Newberg

Today, as with most days, I’m reminded of how little my husband thinks of me. He makes me hate myself everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 158

Toast

By [email protected] - 31/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Garden City

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 86

Having fun?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 02:00

Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 152

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The Top

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 130

You deserved it 733

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 869

You deserved it 3 704

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 276

You deserved it 24 138

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 142

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 102

Today, I was walking around with a friend, who I assumed was beside me, but it turned out she'd left my side minutes ago and hadn’t heard my rambling that some random person had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 184