The Top

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Playa

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 10:00

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 292

Time to leave

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. When I went to shake her dad's hand, I broke his watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 171

The Sopranos? Baywatch?

By Not GOT - 21/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of saying “I actually liked the ending” during a conversation about a famously hated TV finale. Three people turned towards me like I’d confessed to a crime. One guy spent ten minutes explaining why my opinion proved “everything wrong with modern audiences.” I'd never even met him before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 120

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2024 00:00 - India - Bengaluru

Today, I found a really amazing person on a dating site. We had just begun our conversation and within 15-20 minutes, the site went offline. I thought she'd ghosted me, and she's probably thinking the same too. It's been two hours and it's still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 111

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 341

We're doomed

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 03:00 - Australia

Today, I witnessed someone giving medical advice that they got from ChatGPT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 121

Hilarious

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, its been three weeks since my boyfriend's "hilarious prank" went off. He hid a Bluetooth speaker in my son's room and played a scary clown laugh at 2am. Now my son won't even enter his room, much less sleep in it. My boyfriend had better learn to love sleeping on the sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 149

Dried out

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 02:01 - Canada

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 291

Due diligence

By whoops! - 20/02/2022 06:01

Today, I was doing a family genealogy project. I accidentally discovered that my grandfather couldn't possibly be my mom’s biological father. When I started asking questions, my mom flipped shit, confronted her mom, and the whole mess came out. Now everyone is pissed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 237

American exceptionalism

By Smh - 21/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was berated, then unfriended and blocked on Facebook by an Ukrainian girl, all because I reacted with a “Care” on Facebook on her status about her family back home dealing with the war. Apparently, I’m a “hypocrite” for voting for warmonger Biden, thus “getting them in this mess.” Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 601

So frustrating!

By Unsuccessful Prankster - 13/06/2023 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I got those stickers that say "Voice Activated; Say Loudly: PAPER TOWEL NOW!" I then placed one in a public bathroom and waited in the stall to hear someone yell the phrase. I waited for thirty minutes and heard the machine go off several times, with no shouting at all. In other words, no one fell for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 639

TikTok trending

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 177

He's having a normal one

By Omydarlin - 16/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 117

Student life is rough

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 00:02

Today, I've been feeling like my efforts are never enough. I had 4 exams in one goddamn week, didn't sleep at all for 3 days studying, only to get completely demolished. The teachers put the most complicated problems as if they WANT us to fail. If I fail one class, I'm getting kicked out of my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 320

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 20:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 90

You tried

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 466

Scythe control

By Auntie Katrina - 07/07/2026 03:00 - Philippines

Today, I caught three burglars in our house. I screamed, trying to get my husband and adult son to wake up. The burglars fled, badly wounded after being fought off by my skinny nine year-old niece with two gardening sickles. My muscular husband and overweight son were both still in bed, pretending to be asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 95

Mirage

By No date for me - 06/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I spent an entire hour talking to someone at a party. I was feeling a real connection, only to find out halfway through the conversation that she wasn’t actually a guest, she was the caterer who just happened to be really nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 11:47

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 147

It's the thought that counts…

By Charlatan126 - 03/02/2021 11:00 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I finally had a man say, "I love you" to me in a sincere tone. It was a customer, who was high, over the phone. I said it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 166

Patsy

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 12:00

Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 181

I'm the taxman, yeaaaaaah

By Anonymous - 09/07/2023 15:00

Today, according to my tax bill, I’ve been employed by a company I interviewed for over a year ago. They apparently hired me but forgot to tell me, then they also forgot to fire me for not turning up, so I’m somehow their unpaid employee and yet owe taxes for wages I’ve never been paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 107

High maintenance

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally farted during my orgasm with this new woman I’ve been seeing. She said she’s not into that sort of thing, and no matter how I tried to explain it was just an accident, she asked me to leave, and that she’d call me, maybe, if she can forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 23:01

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 1 219

By NYeeerrr - 09/06/2019 22:00

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 752

Sitting ducks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 12:00

Today, my friend and I stopped at a convenience store. She mentioned that it was was "a bad part of town", and I angrily reminded her that just because it's a poor area doesn't make it bad, and that she needed to be more tolerant. We then got jumped, beaten, and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 1 229

Reliable

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 15:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I loudly proclaimed my New Year’s resolution was to stop drinking. I made this declaration while holding a margarita in one hand and a beer in the other, in the middle of a rowdy New Year's Eve party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 578

A real mess

By huh? - 09/05/2022 00:01

Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 297

Favoritism

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 16:00

Today, my older sister dragged us to a restaurant that charged us $80 a piece for 8 mouthfuls of food. She does this all the time. When our youngest sister defended her, it removed all doubt that our parents still pay her bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 151

Boo!

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 08:00

Today, I excitedly waited to watch the finale and reunion of The Ultimatum on Netflix. It was the worst thing to ever happen to reality TV, which is really saying something considering all the shit out there. It was the only thing I was looking forward to in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 728

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The Top

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 200

You deserved it 1 917

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 445

You deserved it 53 519

Today, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I used to have a sex life, and even talked to each other before Elden Ring was released, but I can't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 329

Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 455

Today, I took my cat to the vet for a routine check-up. The vet asked if my cat was stressed at all, so I confidently replied, "No, he's a pretty chill little dude." That's when my cat decided to hiss and spit his way to the top of the shelves on the other side of the examination room. He's not as chill as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 162

Today, I found out that I’ve broken up with every man I’ve dated, teen years to adulthood, for no reason. I left my soulmate convinced my body was rejecting him physically. It turns out I have involuntary pelvic spasms and need therapy to dilate, and also therapy due to anxiety with penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 182