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By LostSoul - 19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 112

Pull yourself together

By ohgosh1428 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 255

Noise annoys

By boom boom boom - 06/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my neighbor got a ridiculous surround sound system that sounds like Jurassic fucking Park come to life. My walls are literally shaking. I tried asking nicely for them to turn it down. They told me to fuck off, and that if I call the cops with a noise complaint, well… they know where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 97

Not now

By Anonymous - 07/05/2022 00:01 - United States - Morganville

Today, my son took his very first steps. Unfortunately, it was during my sister's wedding. She had a full-blown bridezilla meltdown over how he "stole her spotlight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 177

By Savviecat97 - 25/07/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 211

The little known stages of grief

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 22:00

Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 629

The people of TikTok must be stopped

By Phil The Man - 04/09/2023 05:00

Today, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I felt something crack on my head. My 6 year-old son had just smashed an egg into my hair. When I asked why, he said, "Mom does it for TikTok." This is how I found out that my wife has been "pranking" him for likes, and thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 128

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 02:00

Today, nothing changed. Today was the same, and I feel like I'm in a dark comedy version of the movie Groundhog Day meets The Truman Show. I hate dark comedies. I want my life to be canceled… I mean, this movie to be canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 240

By Krysis - 15/08/2017 21:45 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, while I was skyping two of my guy friends, my mom barged into my room to show me a really nice new lipstick she bought and wanted me to try on. It was a beautiful red color and as I asked how I looked with it on, my mother laughed and responded with "hahaha you look like a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 501

You deserved it 453

You must be up to something

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 00:00

Today, my stepmom accused me of creeping around, acting sneaky, and maybe even planning to kill her in her sleep because I’m "still angry at my dad divorcing my mom and marrying her." All I did was get up at 2 a.m. for a pee at coincidentally the same time as she was going outside for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 88

Indeed

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 21:30

Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers any phone calls or messages and is rarely home. I found out on the spot that he was cheating on my mother. What an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 186

UberXL

By stuckatthesamejob - 11/06/2022 10:00

Today, I scored an interview with a hospital nearby my house, and so I ordered a car 30 minutes before. There were four people in the same car that were picked up AFTER, and dropped off BEFORE me, causing me to miss my interview. The hospital then stopped interviewing for the same position I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 483

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 361

Rabbit hole

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 00:00 - United States - Big Lake

Today, after falling down an incredibly expansive DNA test rabbit hole, I found out that my first girlfriend was actually related to me. I can’t believe I’ve lived what I always thought was a disgusting and unrealistic porn trope: teen lesbian incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 296

It's Friday, I'm in love

By Christina - 13/10/2023 22:00 - United States - Beverly

Today, I’m back at work after being out for a month on medical leave. I'd got my permanent schedule which included Friday, and I'd said fine but that I couldn't close on Friday as I have dialysis during the day, and that’s too much for my body. My boss said that was OK. Guess who they made close tonight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 112

Three's company

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 18:00

Today, it was the marathon. My girlfriend, has a unique name spelling, ran and I cheered and passed her supplies at two different mile markers. I then noticed a guy I’d never met who had signs with her name at the same mile markers. She was too lazy to split up both her boyfriend’s mile markers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 100

Toot toot

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 06:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 412

Hey y'all!

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 07:56 - United States - Schertz

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 177

Not now Dave

By pretty warlock - 24/10/2023 22:00

Today, I had a customer propose to me. I work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 122

We had a deal

By Tea biscuit Dunka - 27/07/2022 04:00

Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 218

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 114

Balls up

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 12:01

Today, I woke up at 2 p.m. to realise I'd slept through all of my alarms and missed my really big presentation at university, all because I was up most of the night with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 175

Premeditated

By IgiveUp - 28/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went out to eat with my friends. When the bill came, all three of them had "inconveniently" forgot their wallets at home. I ended up having to pay. It was a $178 check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 139

Fromage

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 14:00

Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 243

Chill out, Ross

By sad composer noises - 02/06/2021 20:01

Today, every time I practice my synthesizer, without fail, my stepmom decides to make as much noise as humanly possible. Slamming doors, stomping around in her loudest heels, dropping weights, screaming, you name it. I can hear her through my noise cancelling headphones and I can’t focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 173

People never learn

By fmyboss - 13/10/2019 07:00

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 222

Long haul

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had an irregular period my whole life. I was on birth control and took out my IUD in January. I’ve had my period ever since. It’s going on 5 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 102

Touching story

By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 618

Golden child

By Lennell - 24/08/2022 02:00

Today it's my twin brother's and my birthday, and like every year people wish him a happy birthday instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 79 955

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 288

You deserved it 30 970

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 3 499

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 3 138

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 12 738

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 702