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Noncommittal

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 16:00 - United States - Arcata

Today, a girl I was dating broke up with me for her previous fling. She was scared of committing to a relationship, even though she ended it with him for me. But now she would rather be with this other guy in secret, who is married, and has no plans on being with her for long term. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 218

By aninc - 29/06/2019 07:15 - United States - Boise

Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 248

War of words

By Anonymous - 30/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband is on day two of giving me the silent treatment. It started when he got mad that the house was messy and said, “Why can’t you be like those wives online?!” I snapped back, “Why can’t you fuck like the guys in the porn?!” Let’s see who apologizes first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 02/03/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 264

Take care

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 143

Febreze

By stinky - 21/05/2023 03:00

Today, my mom yelled at me because even though I shower thoroughly twice a day, I still stink. My mom showers once a week, never wears deodorant, and smells like roses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 136

Let em in

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 705

Slow

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58

Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am, but admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 110

What the…?

By hitlerfish - 14/03/2017 22:00

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 049

You deserved it 463

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said OK

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 00:01 - United States - Underhill

Today, my ex-husband checked himself into rehab after a fight with his girlfriend of 6 months. We were together for 14 years, and have 3 children together. We divorced because of his drinking. His wife and kids weren't worth enough to him to get help, but apparently his new girlfriend is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 241

Healthcare for all

By Broken - 07/01/2021 17:01 - United States - Toledo

Today, thanks to America's opiate epidemic, I can no receive the pain management I require for broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 111

Boozehounds

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 17:01

Today, my fiancé refused to talk to me because I'm "an alcoholic". I only started drinking like this after we moved in together and he brought me alcohol every day, because he's an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 374

Technically correct

By Anonymous - 11/07/2023 15:00

Today, my son is a vegan who keeps talking about how Just Stop Oil are technically the good guys. My wife won’t stop crying because she thinks we’ve failed as parents by raising an arsehole. I've had a migraine ever since this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 340

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 841

You deserved it 337

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 931

Quite the journey

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 10:58 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 208

Mean Girls 2: Regina Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my old high school class has a friend group on Facebook, so I applied to join but received a very frank and nasty message. Apparently they all remember me as “the Bullying Mean Girl” and all voted not to let me join. I was a nerd in high school and I was nice to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 361

Behave!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 281

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 22:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 270

By kibblegirl - 06/06/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 292

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm broker than ever. I work a full time job but I STILL can't afford basic adult necessities. My mom keeps asking me to pay a bill that I can't afford (and has nothing to do with her) but she's been opening my mail, and questions my unpaid bills. I'm 36 and I can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 258

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 17:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 243

By convict possibly - 26/05/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 405

You deserved it 2 110

The results are in

By PuzzleMommieCubed - 04/03/2021 21:30

Today, I went to get Covid test because I had chest pain and shortness of breath. Turns out, I just have depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 141

Knackered

By Crushed - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 505

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 475

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By RockMeetsHardPlace - 15/03/2021 20:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 96

Time to leave

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 08:00

Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 178

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years ghosted me without a word and acted like he didn't know my friend when she texted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 99

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 1 037

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The Top

Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 696

You deserved it 1 408

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 689

You deserved it 2 656

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 3 657

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 724

You deserved it 15 144

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 699

You deserved it 3 057

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year-olds do at midnight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 378

You deserved it 25 435