The Top

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You give me fever

By Boredstoner420 - 14/03/2020 21:00

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 813

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 987

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 3 068

Am I even here?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 05:00

Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 141

Read the room

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 316

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 04:01

Today, for my birthday, I got a hotel room for me and my boyfriend. He decided that spending time with a female friend was more important than spending time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 112

Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 09:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 130

Fish and chips is life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my husband had his hands full with the shopping, so I was carrying the baby and the bag with our takeaway in it. I tripped down the steps and fell over. Did my husband ask if I or the baby were OK? Nope. But he did ask if I’d squashed his fish and chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 348

That's not how it works

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 02:01

Today, I babysat the neighbors’ evil kids. They dropped them over at my house and I played with them for five hours. After taking the brats back home and putting them to bed, their mother asked me what time I came back to the house. She only paid me for the 20 minutes I was in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 158

Cry for help

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Billerica

Today, I need a remote position due to a disability, but no company will even try to work with me. My car just died. I'll never be able to live on my own, despite being 30. The worst part? All the people who are gonna reply and call me "entitled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 191

Comeback

By Pinsky - 20/09/2021 08:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 2 033

Get vaccinated, you doofuses

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 14:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came into town for the weekend. A proof of vaccination card to enter non-essential businesses also started. My dear boyfriend refuses to sign up for the card. Guess our nights out will be grocery shopping and him waiting outside while I shop anywhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 387

New mommies

By Anonymous - 07/01/2023 21:00

Today, for the third time, my ex-husband sent another new girlfriend to pick up our kids. It’s crazy that the court sees nothing wrong with his parading a stream of women, which could be dangerous to our kids. The judge said that as long as he keeps up with visitation and child support, there’s nothing I can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 991

By Sound - 06/09/2018 18:30 - Germany

Today, we had an assembly with my entire grade to elect the graduation committee. When I got up to get nominated for the yearbook team, I stumbled and face-planted on stage. In front of 89 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 598

You deserved it 314

Herman Cain Award

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my sister had a C-section to deliver her premature second child. She's also in ICU with a blood oxygen level of 60% because "vaccines are dangerous". We don't know if she will make it out of the hospital or, if she does, how much damage will be caused from the long-term hypoxia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 240

I'm a burden

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 14:30 - United States - Highland

Today, my boyfriend of almost five years told me, due to health issues, he can't move in with me or propose to me. He knows I support him, but if it was a serious health issue, wouldn't he want to be married, knowing I'm there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 194

Scammed

By Duped - 03/01/2026 12:00

Today, after I donated $250 to an influencer promising "insider truth" streams, he vanished overnight, channel gone, comments disabled. I called friends for a loan but they're dealing with their own bills. I skipped lunch for two days and now my car payment is overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 460

The tautology police

By Department of Redundancy Department - 20/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, as part of my becoming an adult, my dad taught me how to use an ATM. The irrational anger I suddenly felt when he told me to "Enter your PIN number into the ATM machine" is too much to be described here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 669

Parental fear

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend found out that she's pregnant and has spent the last 5 hours in the bathroom crying at “what her father is going to think”. She’s 32 years old for god's sake, in an adult relationship, and still thinks her father is going to be angry at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 332

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 247

By melimelo24 - 13/03/2014 09:33 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 580

You deserved it 7 546

By Iswearihavegoodhygiene - 04/11/2018 05:00

Today, I popped a zit that had formed around an ingrown hair "down there". It popped with so much force, the pus hit me in the forehead. Still can't get the hair out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 260

You deserved it 278

Nice my ass!

By what’s going on here? - 03/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband’s coworker made lunch for him again complete with a “cute” note. I cook every day, but somehow this single woman finds it appropriate to cook and pack lunch for my husband. When I told him it needs to stop, he said I was being too jealous, and she’s just a nice lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 148

Gun control

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 20:01

Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 159

It's never 100%

By Stuck - 05/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 784

Dream baby, dream

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 243

You deserved it 50 267

Batman ruins another relationship

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 242

By Dummas - 15/01/2017 12:00

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 650

You deserved it 6 141

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 398

Old lady hotline

By fml9124 - 02/11/2020 08:08

Today, I called the Suicide hotline. I dialled the number wrong and woke some poor old lady. She thought I was her son and kept asking me, "How come you don't visit anymore?" I told her I couldn't visit because of the Covid pandemic. I lied to an elderly woman I've never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 210

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The Top

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 071

You deserved it 4 039

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 744

You deserved it 14 119

Today, when my husband asked me what the password to my new computer is, I told him it was the month and year of our marriage. He couldn't figure out the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 198

You deserved it 7 086

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 2 657

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 876

You deserved it 271

Today, I got let go from work all because my work permit expired. I’ve been in the process of renewal with USCIS for over 10 months now, but things are delayed due to COVID. I showed them the notice of renewal, they said it wasn’t enough, “Rules are rules.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 128