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Thanks but no thanks.

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 16:00

Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 489

You deserved it 493

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 489

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 4 268

By MKfml - 13/04/2018 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 452

You deserved it 491

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 04:07 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 218

Hiding from the drama

By Tiff8any - 14/07/2021 21:59

Today, my boyfriend asked me to untag him in our vacation photos together. Last month, he hid his relationship status and hid every trace of me. He says it’s because he doesn’t want any "social media drama" and people knowing about his "personal life." We’ve been together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 334

Great input, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/06/2019 12:30 - United States - Durham

Today, I had a doctor's appointment because I've recently lost weight. I'm already underweight, and I was concerned because the weight loss has been causing some other health concerns to worsen. My doctor's exact words of advice? "Eating food usually leads to weight gain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 362

Run for the hills!

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 272

Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

By EarScentedCandle - 27/05/2018 15:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 341

Save yourself

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 22:01

Today, I had to offer my boyfriend a no-hard-feelings opportunity to just leave. He never wanted to be a dad, but since we accidentally got pregnant and had our son, I’ve watched his mental health go downhill so fast I was afraid he’d kill himself if he kept forcing himself to stay with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 262

Cancel the wedding

By Anonymous - 02/11/2022 14:00

Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 696

There goes the neighborhood

By Lorky - 08/05/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 152

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 792

Great guy

By Anonymous - 10/06/2020 23:10

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 388

Payday

By Jasmine - 14/07/2020 17:01

Today, I got fired during my maternity leave for requesting my unpaid wages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 130

In the cold

By the dog won - 16/07/2020 14:01

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 337

Devil parents

By Pandaling - 26/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 143

Not fair

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 346

Same

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 23:01

Today, I realized that because of my past abusive relationship, I will never love anyone fully. In the back of my mind, I will always have a doubt, thinking that they don't want me or that I'm just a goal to achieve until they're ready to leave. It's to the point where I don't see a reason to try; everyone will leave and I'm OK with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 232

By Kid Lacef - 31/10/2018 15:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 176

You deserved it 383

Stop being selfish

By Steph - 27/11/2021 16:59

Today, I live in a country where a new variant of COVID has been found and we have to go through all this garbage again, all because some people believe that vaccines are in violation of their rights and that it's their right to risk all of our lives and livelihoods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 628

That sucks

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 981

By Rednbumpy - 18/01/2017 08:00

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 160

You deserved it 600

What were you thinking?

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me, saying things are moving "too fast". All I did was tell my 3 year-old that my boyfriend's parents are his new grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 3 586

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 296

Wingnut

By heathenapparently - 16/02/2019 20:00

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 265

Communication

By GoneLimp - 08/03/2017 02:00 - United States - Havelock

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 023

You deserved it 1 677

By deerling - 18/03/2019 14:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 343

By joblessandnameless - 23/03/2017 09:31

Today, I was laid off from the job I'd had for two years. They couldn't even manage to spell my name or the company's name right on the severance letter. Guess I was a memorable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 393

You deserved it 406

Amelia Gazso tells us more.

Amelia Gazso 4

Thursday 23 March 2017 7:46

Op here! Unfortunately it was very real, 5 others were laid off as well. Let's just say the "HR" department consists of one person not even qualified for the job, so it wasn't a surprise they couldn't even get a layoff right. On a positive note I already have a new job lined up and the terrible company will probably be bankrupt soon.

Gun control

By Emily - 28/12/2020 17:01

Today, only a few hours after getting certified and buying my first pistol, I dropped it and blew off two of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 2 328

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 955

You deserved it 55 768

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 846

You deserved it 9 645

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put him outside. Unhappy with the situation, he leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile-vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 440

You deserved it 774

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 198

You deserved it 219

Today, after being slammed with an unexpected ER visit, a $1000 vet bill, and my roommate moving out with 36 hours notice, all in the same month, I just barely had enough money to cover rent. Then a subscription I didn't know I had charged me $310 with zero communication. They won't give my money back. Fuck you, Noom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 156

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 465