The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 20:02

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 3 270

So sweet

By Mom of 3 - 07/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 447

By Scapegoat - 17/11/2018 13:30

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 292

The other stage of grief

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 05:03

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 639

Proper job

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 424

You deserved it 1 299

Run, run away pronto

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 08:01

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 04/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, eight months pregnant, I got the giggles. My boyfriend asked me why and not knowing what to say, I burst into tears. He then asked me why I was crying. Again not knowing what to say, I started laughing. This lasted a half hour. Goddamn hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 061

You deserved it 786

By Phobic_fml - 28/06/2019 22:22

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 901

Shy

By beetregeneration - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Stockton

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 759

You deserved it 1 836

Run for the hills

By fuck this shiit! - 15/06/2022 02:00

Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to be a good and decent wife from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 257

By fabiennemorin35 - 30/08/2016 09:29 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 242

You deserved it 1 506

Instagone

By Anonymous - 03/01/2018 06:00 - United States - Lyons

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 363

You deserved it 353

By CatHater - 27/04/2018 01:30 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I tried using a water gun to shoot the noisy cats who always fight near my window. I had it ready along with a bucket of water for quick reloads. I missed on the first try and got the floor wet, slipped, and dropped my phone in the water bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 5 145

By nonnie31 - 25/04/2016 19:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 364

You deserved it 939

Hobgoblin? Anustart?

By TheUnknownGamer - 19/08/2018 15:00 - Croatia

Today, I kissed my girlfriend goodbye at the train station when a familiar woman's voice screamed, "You unfaithful piece of shit!" My sister had just wanted to troll me, which ended with my girlfriend slapping me twice, kicking my balls, and calling me some absurd names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 292

You deserved it 220

SHUT UP

By Noname - 22/01/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 081

You deserved it 2 559

By marlow - 15/01/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 2 727

Starved

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 333

Spooked

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 446

You deserved it 513

By RIP - 21/01/2017 12:00

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 582

You deserved it 1 927

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 398

By savanah_aaron - 31/03/2017 20:00

Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 965

You deserved it 730

Moving on

By crash and burn - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 919

You deserved it 2 557

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 273

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 7 143

Smart move.

By You won’t believe what happened next - 10/03/2018 01:30 - Denmark

Today, I learned that when airport security jokes that he's going to eat your box of donuts, you should not then joke back that he shouldn’t "because the powdered sugar is really cocaine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 5 830

By gamber9210 - 07/05/2018 20:59

Today, I learned that the guy I've been talking to online lives in the same apartment complex as me. I also learned that I've earned the title of "woman who has sex too loud" in the same apartment complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 1 606

gamber9210 tells us more.

gamber9210 13

Monday 7 May 2018 8:52

Honestly. I asked him if he lived right next door because I was very worried he’s actually heard me😂

Morning hell

By BillLumberg - 03/02/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 624

You deserved it 24 845

Not cool, bro.

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 20:30 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I met my long-distance boyfriend in person for the first time. He insisted on bringing all of his friends, and when he went to the bathroom, one of them punched me in the face for "stealing his bro". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 179

You deserved it 415

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 5 556

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute Relatable Family Love NSFW Sex Intimacy Mental health Ironic Embarrassing Haircut Money YouTube Wake up Messy DIY Awkward Cheating Pregnancy Kids Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 183

You deserved it 5 078

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 5 351

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 291

You deserved it 8 344

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 214

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 210

Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 952