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By Lisbeth - 08/01/2018 01:30 - Canada - Mascouche

Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 347

You deserved it 532

You want a piece of me?

By littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 147

You deserved it 452

By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - 11/04/2018 19:00 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 397

OK doomer

By KeepOnTruckin' - 07/05/2020 05:00

Today, it's been 3 weeks since I, a 17-year-old, have been working 50 hours a week at a grocery store trying to keep our shelves stocked during coronavirus panic-buying. It was also the day a customer informed me that, "All you teenagers are lazy and that's why the shelves are empty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 179

Red flag

By silver - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 366

You deserved it 344

By Sonofaquiche - 26/01/2017 02:00

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 031

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 02:00 - United States

Today, after months of trying to convince my violent bipolar antisocial neighbors to crack a window when they smoke pot, I'm now living without any heat to avoid being blasted by pot smoke from the heat vents day and night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 658

You deserved it 1 141

By mindy12182 - 30/12/2018 00:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 419

You deserved it 642

Peel

By Etta - 05/03/2017 04:00 - United States

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunchtime, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 561

You deserved it 593

Gamer girl woes

By justanothergamergirl - 17/04/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past two weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he's a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 1 195

Pizza party

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 299

You deserved it 4 743

By caitywebbkid - 11/12/2016 15:56 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 822

You deserved it 820

He tried.

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 351

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 783

You deserved it 1 101

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 171

Treat your pets properly!

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 043

You deserved it 360

Let me out of here!

By misc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 230

You deserved it 2 090

By NotaSinglePringle - 28/09/2018 17:36

Today, my husband and I were unable to exchange rings at our marriage ceremony as his ring was still out being resized. We had continuously waited for the store to call, and had reluctantly decided to just do the ceremony without. As we sat down to lunch after, they called. It was ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 604

Claire Raika Ahmed tells us more.

Claire Raika Ahmed 14

Friday 28 September 2018 8:48

I am not sure how to connect my account to this FML since I apparently submitted it anonymously, but it was a tungsten ring so they apparently can’t be shaped like most gold or silver rings; they have to be made in the correct size and once made cannot be changed (at least according to the sales associate). They had made his the wrong size, even tho I asked multiple times to make sure they wrote down size 12, so after waiting for it the first time, it had to be send back and by then it was too late. It was a courthouse ceremony anyways tho so it wasn’t a huge deal anyways. We just found it funny that they called literally an hour after the ceremony. At least we have it now!!

By Birthdaygirl30 - 26/09/2018 14:00 - Netherlands - Oegstgeest

Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 981

You deserved it 204

Shooting!

By WittyMoron - 08/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 3 503

Cartoons ruining the kids

By sally - 04/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 149

You deserved it 368

Snitches get stitches

By bad sis sad sis - 24/09/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 863

By accountingclown - 21/01/2017 00:23

Today, I travelled cross-country to interview for my dream job. The team seemed to love me and I had a lot of fun. In the airport on the way home I saw a news report that the company is closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 791

You deserved it 608

Cravings

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 2 803

By larrythelobster - 11/02/2017 18:00 - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 447

You deserved it 483

By pooperscooper - 19/02/2017 14:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Spicy

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 329

You deserved it 483

Buy your own then!

By Anonymous - 29/01/2019 14:00 - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 2 193

By animal45 - 07/11/2010 01:32 - China

Spicy

Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 104

By Idiot on the bus - 25/03/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 1 625

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Today, I got my employee review. They thanked me for taking on so much extra work, which helps keep us on schedule. Then they said that I was focusing too much on work that other people should be doing. We need 12 people to fully staff our store for a day, and we have less than that actually working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 631

You deserved it 925

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 663

You deserved it 43 859

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark, I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 505

You deserved it 458

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 546

You deserved it 440

Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 158

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 145