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Jealousy

By jake - 11/01/2021 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female contacts or she’d set my stuff on fire. Yes, that includes my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 264

By cydia123 - 21/04/2017 12:44 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Today, I tried canceling my internet service. The lady on the phone had me on hold for half an hour when, all of a sudden, the call dropped. When I tried phoning back, I was informed that they closed half an hour earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 344

jellythecutie tells us more.

jellythecutie 24

Friday 21 April 2017 10:18

Hey guys OP here and FINALLY got an fml published! Phoned them again yesterday at a more appropriate time and they just told me due to high emergency volume to phone tomorrow (as in today). If they don't cancel it today, I will go ape shit as they're still billing me :) thanks everyone!

By Drewski - 22/12/2016 00:11 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I'm recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 277

You deserved it 635

By Sad elf - 15/12/2016 13:42 - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 682

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 937

You deserved it 4 881

By Confused - 23/10/2016 05:05

Today, I woke up two hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 587

You deserved it 638

By probablyfired - 25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 607

You two know each other?

By TheBuster - 05/09/2017 01:30

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 782

By Buggy - 13/12/2017 01:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 5 170

By disney_dick - 08/01/2018 06:00 - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 005

You deserved it 2 058

By Nylo - 29/01/2018 01:30

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 561

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

By Unreasonable - 23/03/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 170

By Owned - 29/01/2009 00:32 - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 933

You deserved it 28 407

By beepbeep - 22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 547

Great advice

By Dulok Warrior Princess - 11/09/2018 01:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 776

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 297

By scarred - 17/09/2018 15:30

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 517

You deserved it 408

Good tasting

By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Saint-hubert

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 835

By tdtf - 16/03/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 822

You deserved it 1 513

Overreaction much?

By owngoalscored - 22/09/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 15:30

Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 272

By Oops - 19/11/2018 03:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 962

You deserved it 262

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 847

You deserved it 1 013

Fun times

By workhoe - 19/02/2017 18:00 - United States

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 047

You deserved it 1 781

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 11:01

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 2 176

By Anonymous - 10/04/2017 00:00

Today, I learned that the college I'm going to in the fall has been tampering with their ratings on the internet and actually only has a 5% graduation rate. Everything's already been paid for and I can't transfer elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 036

You deserved it 572

Mummy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Hobart

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 431

You deserved it 787

Mom of the year

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 313

What a catch!

By Ethan92 - 29/04/2021 01:59

Today, I had the best time of my life with the girl of my dreams. I took her out to lunch, we went to the beach to jetski and had a romantic walk. It was the perfect day. Then, in the evening, I had to go home to my boring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 4 694

Cobra KO

By WeakBitch - 18/02/2018 15:00

Today, during a judo session, I was paired with a thin, frail-looking rookie. Before a mock skirmish, as I'm much bigger, I said I'd take it easy on her, but also to give it her best shot. She immediately threw me on my face to the floor, knocking me out cold in 7 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 7 694

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The Top

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 009

You deserved it 1 400

Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 212

You deserved it 2 514

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been having an affair with my childhood bully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 1 891

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 070

You deserved it 11 338

Today, my friend told me she saw the girl I like at a single's night after I'd asked her out and rejecting me, for being in a complicated relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 265

Today, after dealing with a monstrously painful canker sore for the last two weeks, it finally healed up. I was so relieved that I went out to lunch… and immediately stabbed myself in the gums with a tortilla chip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 171